The Shape of a Mother TM

We are officially moved!

2006-11-23T19:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry to those of you who thought we got lost, we just took awhile. :) More news here at the new place! Update your bookmarks!

Moving

2006-11-02T21:55:00.000-08:00

Sorry to freak everyone out - yes we are moving - have been planning it for awhile now, but it's only just now happening. The new web address will be (and actually already is) http://www.theshapeofamother.com

Going there now will bring you here to this blog, and once we move will direct you to the new one. I will, of course, leave a note here once we've moved for good for anyone who bookmarks us through blogger directly.

:)

Moving

2006-11-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

I think we are finally moving soon so I'm going to stop posting entries for a bit and I'm turning comments off. See you on the other side!

Clair

2006-10-30T20:57:00.000-08:00

Hi, I came across your site from an article in an August edition of G2 magazine supplement for The Guardian, a British paper. I was well impressed and being 7 months pregnant at the time and huge I knew I wanted to post my shape at the later stages. My name is Clair Harris and I live in the Midlands, England. This is my second child and I am loving it. So far I have gained 3 and a half stone (sorry not sure what that is in kilos). I am 36 weeks in the photo and blooming! My belly is looking like a road map with stretch marks criss crossing everywhere but I really do not care for I know there is a bundle of joy wrapped up inside.

People are amazed at my size and the comments they give can be quite rude and they all instantly think I am either having twins or my dates are wrong. They can not accept its just the way my body wants to behave. I began to lie about the expected date to complete strangers, I looked full term from 28 weeks. For some reason I got embarassed but not sure why, I have no real control the way my body stretches and I should not have needed to make excuses!

Everyone is different and we need to accept this, we can not all be these celebrities with flat tummies with no sign their body has gone through this fantastic 9 month journey. Pregnancy is amazing, the way you body copes, why try and hide it!

Myrrah

2006-10-29T22:24:00.000-08:00

I took this picture today, 8.5months after my son was born, and i still cant believe that I even took the photo, let alone that I am emailing it, but the pictures of other mums have helped me so much that i want to do my bit
Thank you, for making me feel beautiful, if only for a day
Myrrah xx

Amber

2006-10-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

I wrote the following two days after learning I had lost my identical twins at just 9 weeks 1 day pregnant. Later that day I went to the hospital for my first ever surgery - a D&C. I am sending my story to you, along with the only "belly pic" I have from my pregnancy - at just 4 weeks - because although I find my experience too painful to talk about, sharing it through my writing has been very cathartic. Some may question this story's place on this site, but as I struggle through my grief I find some comfort in the belief (the hope?) that my experience HAS made me a mother.

-Amber
27 years old

*******************

I had some very light spotting on Monday, something which has been quite common throughout this pregnancy, but I had just decided that I was putting too much energy into work and wasn't prioritizing as I should. So I decided to stay home and give me and my babies some much deserved rest. The bleeding stopped and everything seemed fine. But Tuesday morning when I went to the bathroom there was a large volume of red blood. The toilet water was pink and on the paper was a quarter sized clot. I knew it wasn't good, but I assumed everything would be ok. A tiny part of me was relieved actually. I didn't have the guts to quit my job (although I believed it was the right thing for my pregnancy) but surely my doctor wouldn't want me doing physical work if I bled like that.

I had started this pregnancy as the most nervous mother-to-be. I was sure I would miscarry at any given moment. That is, until 7w2d when we saw TWO heartbeats instead of one. Even though I went from a regular to a high risk pregnancy in the blink of an eye, suddenly I didn't have any concerns for the health of my babies. I thought my mother's intuition had just been off base - I had known something was different, but it wasn't an impending miscarriage I sensed...I was a mother of identical twins! And I just knew, to the core of my being, that I wouldn't be given this blessing (a scary blessing, but a blessing nonetheless) and have it taken away.

I got to the doctors office on Tuesday and was pleased that although it was very tight and cramped, there were photos of smiling moms and babies all over the walls. My new doctor was in many of the pictures - beaming over children she'd helped to bring into this world. This was the doctor I had wanted. Not the one I'd suffered through for 2 months, with grey walls, grey chairs, grey staff. Not the doctor who loved to drop the "m-word" in every appointment, like she was talking about brushing her teeth. I had finally found the doctor who would deliver my twins. I just had to sort out this little bleeding problem first.

As I sat to tell the nurse practitioner my story she listened with a kind face and understanding. She told me that I'd already gone through so much with this pregnancy. It was so nice to hear that acknowledged, because I sure felt I had. When she performed the internal she told me my cervix looked good and closed and I remained optimistic. It's funny how quickly optimism can drain right out the soles of your feet when faced with an ultrasound.

I knew the moment the ultrasound had begun that it was bad. I couldn't look at the screen - couldn't discover for myself that it was over - but the heartbeats were so easy to see now and I knew that no exclamation of "there they are" was coming. When the nurse started saying she was sorry, when she put her hand on my shoulder, my husband was concerned. He could see our babies on the screen - both of them. He could see their little faces and their hands. Why was his wife moaning and why was the nurse giving condolences? He had forgotten to check for the heartbeats. This brilliant man had somehow decided that if we'd lost them they'd be gone. Melted away into the fuzz of the screen. He wouldn't see his perfect babies lying in my womb if they were dead. But he did.

I moaned and I whimpered, but the tears didn't come. A nurse handed me a pile of tissues I could've suffocated myself in (maybe she wanted to give me the option) but I couldn't do it. Tears welled up in the nurse practitioner's eyes and the assistant nurse openly cried.

The doctor came in to confirm the diagnosis, although she gently told me before hand that there would be no change. Heartbeats don't hide in ultrasounds, and my babies' chests were as plain as day. She said she was sorry. That's all there is to say. My husband asked her to point some things out on the screen - the head, the body, the umbilical cord - but I couldn't look. Just before she finished the ultrasound I realized that this would be my last chance to see my babies and that I needed to take that opportunity, so I looked at the dark little screen. And there, in the clearest image yet (and this was our 5th ultrasound) was one of my babies. Facing right at me. I could see the eyes, I could see the torso, it was so obvious that this was a little person I was looking at...my little person. I don't know if my last vision was of baby A or B, but whichever it was, it looked so perfect. I forced myself to ask the doctor for printouts from the ultrasound. I didn't know what I wanted to do with them, but it only seemed right that their mother should have them. Neither image is nearly as clear as that last shot of my baby. I don't get to see their perfect faces, staring right at me. But they're there and I think they knew I love them.

Being at home is so strange. The bleeding has stopped entirely and I haven't had a single cramp. I feel nauseas much of the time and can't eat, but then, isn't that what pregnancy is like? It's so strange to have no will to go outside and witness society and yet feel lost in my own home. I can't do nothing, but doing something is so overwhelming. So I wait. I watch the hours tick by, napping occasionally and then feeling guilty for it. Pregnant people need naps and I...am not pregnant. I could drink a case of beer, but I sure don't want to. I want to treat myself as a pregnant woman, attribute the nausea to morning sickness, not dread at the procedure that comes today.

I had a dream while I was pregnant. Just one pregnant dream. I dreamt that I didn’t feel like I was in labor, but my doctor kept telling me I was. I had no pain, no contractions, but they told me I was dilated and it was time to push. I didn’t understand, didn’t believe I was giving birth but I pushed anyway. Eventually out popped a green olive with a bright red pimento. The doctor realized he was wrong, that I wasn’t in labor and that a baby would come later. It was a strange dream, but obvious where it came from. I had just read in a pregnancy book that at 9 weeks your baby is the size of an olive. From that point forward (I was 6 weeks at the time) my goal was to get to the olive stage. I wanted my babies to be the size of olives. At 9 weeks, I turned to my husband and said gleefully “they’re olives!”. At 9w1d the bleeding started. And today the doctor will deliver my little olives. All I can hope is that the rest of the dream was right as well – a baby will come later.

Each day has been worse than the last. Yesterday, upon receiving flowers, I realized a little bit more that it's over. Today, when unable to drink or eat all morning in preparation, I realize a bit more still. And tomorrow, I won't be able to cup my belly and talk to those little beings inside. They might not hear me now, but I know they're there and I can tell them how loved they are. Tonight they will be far from my body. Removed by force and placed not into my arms, but into a receptacle marked "waste". There aren't any other options really, they're only 2cm each. It's not appropriate to bury your children in a shoebox in the backyard...but is it appropriate to let some man take them away? They are my babies. They were tiny and helpless and they died, but they had faces and fingers and hearts - can they really just be disposed of? How can I just go to sleep and wakeup with them in another room, in a bag, on their way to a disposal facility? What kind of a mother am I if I let that happen?

Am I a mother? At what point are you entered into that club? Do you have to kiss your babies' foreheads? Do you have to rock them to sleep? Did you have to feel a tickle in your belly - movement, a kick - to be a mom? I will go through a birth of sorts. I will be asleep (and so will my babies) and the doctors will take them from me, but they will still pass from my womb, through my cervix and out into the world - is that not giving birth? Can I call myself a mother when all I have to show for it are a few printouts from a scan and two lines on a stick?

I know it's illogical, I know it's not possible, but it seems so cruel to take them from me. I know they've died and I know I'll never hold them in my arms, but can't I hold them in my belly? Can't I keep them with me where I know they'll be safe? My husband and I tried so hard to make those babies and now they're going to be taken away from me? It doesn't seem right. It seems like they need me as much as I need them.

This was not how this was supposed to be. This is not right and it isn't fair. All I wanted was to be a mother. But I guess if being a mother just means loving your children with every ounce of your being, well, then I am a mother. And I will be a mother again.

Kerri

2006-10-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

I found the story of the mom who did not know she was pregnant very interesting. I have the same sort of story, but mine is a bit different.

It was mid February 2004 and my period had been missing for 3 months. I went back to the doctor, and of course she asked me if I was pregnant. "No" I said "I tested" so she decided to check and get a blood test done. Sure enough when I came back the beginning of May, it was negative, even though I told her I was exhausted and gaining weight, despite not changing my eating habits. She told me my hormones we so low that I couldn't even GET pregnant. However, the hormone prolactin, usually only seen in nursing mothers, was very high. This could mean I had a certain type of brain tumor, so I had to go for an MRI.

I had been doing home pregnancy tests every couple of weeks for several months, simply because I wasn't getting my period and thought it was best. They were always negative. My Mom said she wanted me to get an ultrasound before the MRI, since she had many problems in the past with ovarian cysts and other things. So I got one scheduled for Monday, May 31st, 2004.

The weekend before, my stomach had been bothering me. The oddest sensation- like I could feel myself getting fatter- I had stretch marks! Still, negative tests, and the doctor did say it wasn't possible for me to be pregnant.

Monday came, and I went to the ultrasound- by myself, because everyone had to work... and no one expected what we found. I got really mad at the technician- she saw my belly and asked me right away if I was pregnant. I told her the story so far, and she just said "okay, get up on the table then"

I wasn't even looking at the screen. Then I heard, "Um, Kerri? There IS a baby here- and it is about 21 weeks along" I quickly did the math in my head.. "What??....You mean.. I am over 5 months pregnant???" I said. "Yes, you are"

This is what he looked like that day. Also, a picture of him at exactly one week.

We only had 4 and half months to prepare. I was only 23 and completely not ready for all this. I had been on the pill.. I only went off the pill because my doctor had told me to (back in November), that the hormones were what was disrupting my period. I was worried because I had done so much heavy lifting- all these things you shouldn't do when you are pregnant. Good thing I don't drink or smoke, or have any really bad habits!

At first I was really angry and blamed the doctor. I missed almost my entire pregnancy- she told me I might have a brain tumor! What was I going to do? We were supposed to be moving across country in just a couple months. We couldn't now, I would be nearly 8 months pregnant!

In the end, all my friends and family helped us get everything ready, and the parents of the kids I taught were amazing (I was teaching in a preschool) They brought me maternity clothes, baby clothes, baby seats, everything. I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

Anyway, the point of my story is, when someone tells you "They didn't know" Don't look at them like they must have just been stupid. I 'KNEW' I was pregnant from almost the beginning- but I kept hearing it was impossible, over and over, and all those endless negative tests and blood tests. What would you REALLY have thought? You would probably assume it was impossible then, as I did.

My new doctor knows this story. If I ever miss a period for over a month, and if I even suspect, I will be going in for an ultrasound. I am glad that this doctor believes me. Some people still assume I was just in denial.. but they don't take into consideration all that happened and how they would feel.

My son turns 2 on Tuesday, October 17th, 2006. He is the love of our lives- even if he is trouble sometimes!

Liz

2006-10-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

My twins are now 14 months old, but I remember well last summer and feeling like a float in the Macy's Parade!

It took us years and many, many procedures to finally get pregnant, so I didn't really have anything to complain about - I'm proud of the pregnancy body I had, and while I wish there was something I could do about the saggy skin, I was never a waif to begin with :).

I love all of my belly pix...and love this site. Well done!! This is a club I'm proud to be part of.

August 3, 2005 35w1d Belly Shot Little do I know that my twins are going to make their entrance into the world 10 days after this photo is taken.

August 3, 2005 - 35w 1d Side shot, same day...wow, I look huge but never felt it!

4 days before my son and daughter enter the world. The dog thinks my belly is comfy to lay on. I love this picture.

4 days pre-babies. The stretch marks you see here are almost completely gone now. Though WOW I have got some saggy belly skin left behind. And then I look at my kids, and I could give a shit, serously!

Michelle

2006-10-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

These pictures are of my body 2 years 3 months after having my son. I was soo ashamed of my body until I found this website. Thank you. I don't feel alone anymore.

A Couple Contributions

2006-10-22T20:27:00.000-07:00

Agi wrote her own entry awhile back here on her blog, and you can check out Emily's photos here. Thanks, ladies!

A Film and an Article

2006-10-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

I'm back in town again and will get to putting up all the submissions I have - there are lots, so keep checking in!

For now, though, here's an important video from Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. It focuses on the face, not the body shape, but you get the idea and I don't think there's a real line to draw when it comes to how we feel about our physical bodies - we pick ourselves apart no matter what part it is.

And, it might be old news to a lot of you, but I found this article about Victoria Beckham very interesting and I wish more celebrities would be so honest.

Photo of the Week 10/10/06

2006-10-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

Overdue (41st week)
Originally uploaded by Kimbaleo.

I will be quite busy for awhile and there likely won't be any new entries until late next week. I'll try to update if I get the chance, but I wanted to drop the note to say I'll be back and see you soon! Keep sending in your submissions - I have a few in my inbox but don't have time to add one tonight so I'm sharing this photo instead (it's been WEEKS since I've done a POTW anyway!). I love this mama's pose. The crib in the background just waiting for a sweet babe to hold. The tiny patch of "tigger stripes" on the side of mama's belly. The camera in the shot makes it seem intimate, as though we are let in on this secret moment between the mother and her own mirror. Thanks for sharing! Everyone else - see you soon! Peace.

Melissa

2006-10-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

Your blog has shown me a new reality- that women who don't fit the ideal of the perfect, round, flawless-skinned pregnant belly are just as much mamas as others. Seeing the posts of other bigger mommas on this site has really made me feel so much better about my own body, especially my pregnant body- and knowing that other women of size are showing off their beautiful bodies here inspired me to do so as well, in hopes that maybe my story will help someone else realize that we're ALL perfect and beautiful, no matter how deep our stretch marks or how wide our birth scars.

At 18 years old, I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, Juliet, by C-section at 36 weeks.I went through that pregnancy as an obese woman. I didn't look obviously pregnant but for the few weeks before she was born. I had never been a thin girl, or even close to average- I gave birth at well over 200 pounds (but had only gained a pound my whole pregnancy.) I lost 50 pounds within days of having her, and was left with a saggy, pale, muscle-less mess of a stomach. I felt disgusting- even allowing my then-boyfriend (now husband) to check my incision for me every day was awful. I felt ugly and destroyed.

As time went on and every attempt I made to make the saggy stretch-marked mess disappear failed miserably, I came to a realization. I was BEAUTIFUL, I was a GODDESS. My stretch marks are not scars, they are symbols of the beautiful relationship I had with my little girl while she lived inside of me. My Cesarean incision was not a badge of shame, it was a badge of honor- the honor of bringing life into this world, no matter how it came to be. Slowly, as a mother, I shed the body image issues that had plagued me for years.

After marrying my husband and another pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant on my 20th birthday. Two weeks later, I found out I was carrying twins. And then I found this website. Instead of being ashamed of the stretch marks like last time, this time I'm proud and happy. They are proof of the life I hold inside of me, the life that all mothers have been privledged enough to hold- an experience all the more important to me after experiencing a pregnancy loss.

When I see woman distressed over their stretch marks, or dieting obsessively to lose the "baby weight," I just feel sorry for them. Learning to love the body that has born one beautiful child and is currently cooking two more has been the most amazing, enlightening experience I could imagine, aside from being a mother itself. I'm finally comfortable as a person in my own skin, because I'm a Mom. I found my first new stretch marks today, and honestly, I was elated to see them!

To the other plus size mamas out there- keep posting. As this website so wonderfully proves, you are amazing, beautiful goddesses, and sharing your story will keep that word circulating!

My photos:
19 weeks with twins- clearly visible stretch marks, which are "old" ones from my first pregnancy.

Hairy belly- another interesting aspect of pregnancy

13 weeks, saggy mama breasts and all.

Thank you for the opportunity to share!

Anon

2006-10-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

Hi,
I know my story is totally different than all your guys. I was 19 and working full time doing anything and everything that a person who was pregnant should not be doing. The only difference is that I DID NOT KNOW that I was pregnant. Hard to believe but... honestly totally true. I didnt know I was pregnant until August 3 2004 I woke up on the Friday and had my period (I had my period my whole pregnancy ontime and regular) and I was crampy of course. took some tylenol cramps went away then by Monday the cramps were getting really bad again so took some more tylenol went to bed woke up at 3 that morning had a bath because the cramps were HORRIBLE didnt work tried to go back to bed wasnt happening I was scheduled to work lucky for me parent owned business told my dad ya I might be a little late wasnt feeling good anyways cramps were getting worse had know idea what was going on told my mom we need to go to the hospital right Now!!! Went to the hospital got there around 8 sat in Emerg for 2 hours the doctor comes is and says your pregnant and you might be in labour but you knew you were pregnant (DR. was an ASS!!) any was had an ultrasound yup pregnant and in labour OMG!!! I was crying and FREAKING out my mom and my one sister were with my they call my other sister she comes over my grandma and my aunt who was visiting comes to the hospital to see how I was feeling so they are all in the delivery room and 2 hours later I have a son 7lbs 10oz. this story is hard to believe I know but true. Anyways Reid is now 2 and healthy as a horse has been sick once his whole life and is very intelligent so I couldnt have asked for anything better, I am the luckiest person to have him, I thank god every day that he is happy and healthy. I am so thankful that his father who has been my boyfriend for 6yrs now is awesome and everyone is so supportive. Just wanted to post my story and I love reading all the other stories around although I "missed" being pregnant I wouldnt change the outcome for the world.

Thank you to everyone who writes in this site its wonderful..
hugs

Sisterhood

2006-10-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

I missed this one the first time it was sent to me and I'm SO glad Jen decided to check up on it. This is amazing and moves me beyond words. Thank you, ladies, this has become my all-time favorite entry!

A Different Aspect of Motherhood: Sisterhood

Louisa:

During an evening of Mamas only hi-jinks and a few strategically placed libations My mama friends and I were inspired to create this class picture. We are all of us mothers, some of us three times over. We have all of us birthed everyway under the sun, some of us nursed our babies for years, others for weeks, some not at all. We are students and professionals, Christian and Buddhist and Pagan. We are lovers and wives and partners and proud single women. The playgroup we created so our babies could play together grew to become a place for us to gather in sisterhood. And several years later this is the amazing result. We had so much fun taking these photos. It was healing and liberating and bonding and wonderful. Im proud and honored by the women standing with me in this photo.

Emily:

When asked to pose for this pic my first thoughts were "Have we all gone completely mad?" Once I got over my "taught by society" body insecurities I was excited. When have that many women with post pregnancy bodies all been so bonded in sisterhood that we all can walk around with our stretch marks and cellulite hanging out? Hey, I don't even get that naked in the locker room at the gym. I am honored to be included in this picture with the strongest, kindest, most supportive women in the world. We are all working to make a difference in this world even though it may not be on an Angelina Jolie scale, there is something to be said for just trying to raise good people. That task is more difficult and daunting than I ever imagined it to be. As I struggle to make my children feel secure through a sad divorce I remind them that there are many, many people who love and support us. We are truly blessed to be a part of this mama empowered group without whom I might not have the strength to get out of bed and face another day. Much love to all my beautiful sisters.

Mel:

I posed because I wanted to send a pic to Shape of a Mother anyway and it was definitely more freeing to do it with a group of other women. It was helpful for me to see that we all had post baby bodies. I am almost 30 and I feel like at some point I have to embrace my body stretch marks, fat and all. Life is too short to spend time wishing you looked like all the fake bodies in Hollywood . That picture is what real women look like and I am proud to be a part of it. It was nice to be half naked and vulnerable in front of women whom I have grown to love and feel accepted and loved back.

Libby:

for me, posing 'nude' wasn't exactly a huge issue, but the fact that I was surrounded with a group of beautiful mothers added not only a bit of self-confidence but also reminded me of the empowerment of not only childbirth but being a mother as well. Having a group of friends who are all different in their own ways but sharing something so special is priceless.

April:

This is the power and beauty that comes from the knowledge that you are part of a wonderful culture, a culture of mommies. I would never have submitted a picture on my own, most likely because I wouldn't have felt that I struck important enough of a pose, that I had nothing so significant to offer. But these ladies lift me up, validate fears, offer shoulders to cry on, impart words of wisdom that make all the difference in a time of need, pass no judgement on my beliefs and provide opportunity to celebrate our stretch marks, swinging breasts, and soft tummies. They laughed at my concern when tons of my hair fell out post-partum, they drove me home and held my hair back the first time I had alcohol since before I was pregnant, they talked me through my labor and delivery making my second birth successful and empowering, in spite of a full medical staff. They are standing by me, behind and in front of me, surrounding me with support as I am separating from my husband and learning to be a single mommy and somehow always come to the rescue for a babysitting emergency. They taught me to not be afraid of pain, whether physical from a non-medicated birth, or emotional from a rocky marriage. These women are my sisters, neighbors, teachers, confidants but most importantly, my friends my family. With these women I feel strong enough to proudly display my body made beautiful by creating 2 babies, one by epidural, one unmedicated but induced, both breast fed, both amazing.

Jen:

Since posting pictures and my story on Shape of A Mother had been on my todo list for the last three months, when the opportunity presented itself after several drinks with many of my amazing mommy friends, I didnt have to think twice. As a matter of fact I think my expression went something like, that is the best idea I have ever heard! I was ready to take my clothes off at that very moment.

I could go on about this forever, but Ill try to make it quick and not too sappy. Motherhood has provided me with a gift I could have never imagined. Motherhood has offered me a chance to really know, respect, and love other women. I met all of these women in one way or another through the experience of motherhood. We are different. We come from different backgrounds, even different countries. Some of us have home births, some of us have c-sections. Some of us breastfeed for 2 years, some of us cherished the bottle from Day 1. We have different incomes and different lifestyles. Some of us have good marriages, some of us are single moms. We have different religions, and different political ideas. Some of us are tall, some of us are short, some of us have small breasts, some of us have huge breasts. But regardless, we are all proud, strong, self-willed, intelligent women. We support each other in this distinctive experience. Beyond, the indescribable effect of a child in your life, this picture offers a representative of another element of motherhood. I love my friends, they are true friends. They are invaluable.

Jo

2006-10-05T22:33:00.000-07:00

Firstly I want to say thank you for this web site. I feel less alone and perhaps I am finding a newfound appreciation for my body.

This is a long story. In 2002 I got married. I had a fairy-tale wedding. It was everything I dreamed of and more.

One month after my wedding I attended a routine Pap test appointment. My doctor suspected Fibroids and so sent me for an Ultrasound. I was diagnosed with bilateral Dermoid Ovarian Cysts. The cysts were 5 on my right ovary and 4 on my left and growing. I was told to have surgery as soon as possible as they could burst and the contents of the cysts were quite caustic.

I researched and found a Surgeon who would remove via keyhole surgery through my belly button. Surgery was undertaken on 03/03/03. I was nervous but thankful they had been diagnosed whilst I might still have some ovarian tissue left to salvage.

I was admitted at 6am, the surgery was meant to take 1 hour. I woke up three hours later in the most incredible pain. The surgeon had grazed my artery during the procedure and I had been sliced open and my keyhole surgery resulted in a 10 scar, which ran through what was my bellybutton. This needed to be done to save my life. He had seconds to open me up and so the cosmetic appearance of the cut he would make was irrelevant. On waking I was informed of what had happened and the doctor informed me how I had ruined his statistics of no complications. Not the best bedside manner!

When my husband visited me (my only family where I live now all my family are overseas), I lifted my gown to show him the mess and he passed out. He is very squeamish. He was admitted to Accident & Emergency with memory loss. I received a phone call from his Neurological Doctor stating he didnt remember getting married. So I was left alone worrying whether my husband would regain his memory and looking at my newly butchered body. Some 8 hours later he returned to visit me with his memory mostly restored. It was a very lonely wait.

The scar was a constant reminder of how close I was to loosing my life. Instead of being thankful for being saved I couldnt recover easily from the experience. I lamented how I would never wear a bikini again and of course I no longer felt attractive to my husband. This impacted on our marriage greatly for a long time. I decided to have plastic surgery to straighten the scar. This resulted in a slightly neater but 2 longer scar in length. It didnt change my feelings about how I looked I still felt very unattractive.

In 2005 we decided to try for a baby. I researched and came up with a quick plan to conceive. Thinking it might take many months due to my age (35) and scarred ovaries I was quite aggressive with my plan. I fell pregnant the first cycle and the first time we tried. Ten days later I knew I was pregnant. I was very thankful and of course incredibly surprised.

I had an uneventful pregnancy. I worked in Panama and was informed by the OB we were expecting a boy and all was well. I returned home to Australia and at my 20-week scan my boy was actually a girl. We were amazed and it did take a little getting used to.

I had nausea initially but found if I ate constantly I would never throw up. Eat I did and piled on 55 pounds. My husband was overseas for the last 2 months of my pregnancy. I was lonely and I ate for comfort. Now I was overweight and scarred.

Ten days overdue I went into labour. 48 hours of trying resulted in a failure to progress and I was told I had to have a c-section. More battle scars. Our baby was born 8 pounds 8 oz and all was well. She latched straight on to my breast.

Six days later I still had no colostrom and no sign of breast milk. I went home and pumped my breasts due to cracked and bleeding nipples in an attempt to bring my milk in. Six times a day for weeks and the most I would get would be 4 teaspoons for a whole day tied intermittently to the pump. I never did find out why I never engorged but I felt a failure. It hurt so much not to birth my baby and to never feed her. People asked for days whether my milk had come in and were always quick to offer advice. When my daughter was 6 weeks old I decided to give up the pumping it made me unhappy and I couldnt enjoy the time with my baby. It was the best decision for us both. She has thrived on formula and my husband has bonded during his time
feeding her.

Here are some photos 6 weeks post-partum. I am still carrying a good 20 pounds extra or more and of course a pooch, which you cant see as it is way down, and hangs over my new c-section scar. My weight gain is mainly on my hips, butt and thighs.

I am determined to regain my former figure but in the meantime I should love my body for all its failings. We have a beautiful daughter who is healthy and happy.

Anonymous

2006-09-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I'd like to be listed as anonymous, and not have my pictures used anywhere but for the purpose of this site, please. ;) You can share my story and the pictures on your website, though. Just please don't list my name or use the pictures anywhere else. Thanks so much.

Story:

My kids are ten and six. Before I had my son, I weighed 115 pounds (eek - but I was nineteen). When I went in to deliver him, I weighed 198 pounds. That's my heaviest weight. I didn't think the stretch marks would ever go away.

When I had my daughter, I weighed about 145. When I went in with her, I was somewhere in the 180's (I didn't pay as much attention the second time around - it didn't seem as important ;)

My weight now is 153, and I'm working on losing another ten pounds or so, which is a healthy weight for me. My stretch marks are mostly on my upper thighs, and they're almost invisible. I have a few on my breasts, but nothing too much.

I'm usually okay in my clothes. I feel confident, etc. But when I'm undressed, I feel very insecure. I'm constantly sucking my stomach in - I think you can see the "suck-in" line on one of these pictures! I decided to take these wearing my jeans because that's what hangs over the edge and makes me most uncomfortable.

Luckily, my husband doesn't care one whit, and tells me I'm sexy. I never believe him - but I'm trying to get to that point.

Thanks for making this site - it's such a relief to see women like me.

Thank you thank you thank you. :)

The shape of a moving fetus

2006-09-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

Janice

2006-09-27T22:12:00.000-07:00

A good friend directed me to this site and I love it! It's great to see real women accepting and loving their bodies!

Fifteen weeks ago, on June 9th, I gave birth to my third daughter. I had no complications during my pregnancy, labour, or birth but for unknown reasons, our beautiful baby girl wasn't able to stay with us. Abby Angel lived for 7 hours and 10 minutes, and the pregnancy pictures I've posted here are so precious to me. I was almost 38 weeks pregnant when I gave birth and despite my issues with my body image, I know I grow beautiful, healthy babies.

24 weeks, side view

36.5 weeks

my daughter giving her baby sister 'hugs', just 5 days before Abby was born

Abby, less than 2 minutes old

I have more pictures and entries about my pregnancy, Abby's death, and my journey as a student midwife on my blog.

Ani DiFranco Quote

2006-09-27T22:09:00.000-07:00

Hey -- Maybe you've received this before, but I was listening to Ani Difranco's spoken word piece, _My IQ_ off of her _Puddle Dive_ CD. In it, she says: "I've got highways for stretchmarks, so I can see where I've grown." I like that a lot. I've been lamenting my non-baby induced stretchmarks of late, but I like the idea that those lines mark more than physical growth. I imagine, after having a child, I will feel my stretchmarks demonstrate tremendous personal and emotional growth.

Thanks for keeping up this blog. -- Cora D in Portland

hippyfreek update

2006-09-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

I'm so flaky these days... I was supposed to add this to her post but totally forgot until this morning. D'oh! Sorry!

So, the Mothering.Commune boards are lovely. I just got involved. I love it.

And on the nursing board, I found lots of info on Goat's Rue, how it can grow breast tissue, help increase breast milk, and regulate blood sugar. WOOWOO.

Well, as you all know, I stopped breastfeeding. Moire weaned at 7 weeks. I have no breast tissue. And the only thing keeping me half-sane was knowing I'd tried EVERYTHING in my power to do the best for her. And now, I've got another option. I want to take it. I NEED to take it.

Plus, if I can grow breast tissue, I need an SNS to maybe start Moire nursing again. One of the longterm SNS'.

hippyfreek

2006-09-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you to Melissa DiMartino-Yuen for her entry. She gave me the courage to face up to myself and try to work past the pain I feel towards my body.

I've always been overweight. It's just been a fact of my life. When I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 16, it made sense. And the doctor told me that unless I was on medication and under the care of a doctor, I'd probably never conceive and even then, there was no guarantee.

However, 3 years later, without being on the medications that made me feel less than human, and without trying at all, my husband, then boyfriend, conceived a baby. What a surprise it was. But I welcomed it.

But even though I'd never had body issues before, they began to slowly crop up during my pregnancy. Because of my weight, I never showed in the true sense of the word. I never had anyone ask when the baby was due. No one could tell I was pregnant. Even when I went to the doctor at eight months pregnant, she guessed I was just a few weeks along as I wasn't showing.

But the feeling of that baby moving in my womb eclipsed it all. Besides the baby belly thing, I felt amazing. I felt normal, health wise, something that had never happened to me before. And it was amazing. And because I'd kept on my diet and stuff, I knew my pregnancy was normal. And I strived for a normal labour and delivery, a birth center birth. However, 30 hours into labour, I wasn't progressing enough, my water had broken, and I was exhausted. I ended up in the hospital, with a pitocin drip and an epidural.

But I never lost my resolve to give my daughter the best entrance. So despite what the doctors wanted, I didn't relent to a c-section. And I gave birth VAGINALLY to my beautiful 7 pound 3 ounce baby girl. It felt amazing to know I'd done it. The nurses even told me they thought I'd be a c-section for sure, due to my size. What a feeling.

But then the fun began. I'd set my heart on nursing, giving my daughter the best start. Helping her possibly avoid the obesity that plagued my life. And I did nurse her. She was a champion nurser. And the pride I felt in giving her that was amazing...the first few days.

And then she began to scream. She quit wetting diapers. Her fontanel sunk in. My baby was sick, and I knew why. My milk never came in. And an IBCLC confirmed my worst fears: I couldn't breastfeed. During puberty, my breasts never developed. And during pregnancy, they still didn't develop. The PCOS that hadn't hurt my ability to conceive apparently did make it impossible for me to feed my daughter. I'd never felt any breast tenderness. And no one asked. When I should have been preparing myself in pregnancy, I was dealing with so much else. So, all of a sudden, I had a bottle-fed baby. And I hated my body for it.

I feel betrayed. I feel like less of a woman. I know I am a woman, I gave birth. But I feel like LESS because I couldn't give my daughter the very best. I feel ugly and deformed. And it hurts me everytime I make her a bottle because I'm missing out on a glorious part of motherhood. She's missing out on so much health and bond promoting goodness.

Thank you for this site. It's really cathartic to write this. I'm crying, but I feel like I'm getting somewhere. I did my best to give my daughter the best. I struggled with fenugreek, SNSs, pumps, etc for 7 weeks before she weaned. I know I did everything I could. But it's still something that hurts. And it will for a long time. :(

Here are my pictures:

My baby belly: Notice how I'm sorta holding rolls of flub, and not a true round belly

In labour:

My champion newborn nurser:

The breasts that failed me:

The Celebrity

2006-09-23T22:01:00.000-07:00

So, a couple weeks ago now, someone sent me a link to a website with photos of Kate Hudson in a bikini and some really cruel comments about her stomach. Frankly, I had a hard time seeing what was so horrible about it (though maybe a little underweight in my opinion), but maybe my idea is a little different than most of America's these days!

Anyway, it might be cheesy, and I know it's not likely she'd ever even read any of the letters, but I was toying with the idea of asking the readers here to write to her. Writing to give support and thanks for being beautiful and not covering up. I thought that if we all write something similar on the envelope - or maybe use the same color envelope? - then maybe if one letter was noticed the rest would be easier to pick out, if they wanted to read more.

So, what do you think? Good idea? Lame? Opinions, please!

Noted!

2006-09-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

Found a comment linking to this where this site was recommended by readers. Thanks, everyone!

I will ask this, though...

2006-09-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know if it's OK to post contact information for a celebrity? Not a personal address or anything, of course, but a publicist's address or something? If that's not ethically wrong, I have a mission for you all! :)

Still around!

2006-09-22T08:50:00.000-07:00

This week has been hectic with a new routine and trying to figure out this whole homeschooling thing for my four-year-old. On top of that I'm corresponding with some people trying to get the blog moved over FINALLY. And, also, I've run out of submissions for the moment so there hasn't been much to post this week. :) As soon as that picks back up I'll post more. But for now, just a note to let you all know I'm not dead or anything. :)

Have a great weekend if I don't "see" you before then!

Jack and I are on the same wavelength.

2006-09-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

Found this article just now. Thumbs up!

Brianne

2006-09-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

This deeply beautiful and touching blog entry was written by Brianne, originally for her own blog, Magdalena's Revenge. She feels it best noted that, while there is nothing inapropriate in her blog, she does occasionally use colorful language. ;)

Monday, August 28, 2006
Me

Right now, the streets are slick with rain, the sterile lights above the pavement cast an empty, silent glow over the puddles making the water glitter. It is late and D is already asleep, though I have left his side only seconds ago. In the shower I wondered to myself as I watched the double-lined shadow of my breasts on the wall turn slowly with my movements, what exactly have I given myself credit for in my lifetime? I notice these shadows and think only of how much lower they fall now that I am a mother. But I forget so easily that this body has protected 2 of the most amazing creatures I have ever seen, brought them into their very existence. It has been abused until it could only silently scream out, giving those animalistic signals that it was in danger. The face went pale, the body limp, the sight black, and yet, it came back around to me. It came back not for me, but to me. What have I done with it to show my appreciation?

These lips parted and whispered out words that meant something to someone, they live alone to kiss the round, elastic cheeks of my children. These fingers have been hurt, rolling hot wax over and over onto strands of hair to make money. They have typed and written the endless dialogue, a fair representation of what is inside this mind. They have gotten the point across, most of the time. They have caressed injury, and have made fists in anguish. They have grasped the bars of a hospital bed and clenched in pain; desperate, unfathomable pain.

These eyes have seen it, they have seen the beauty of a moment, what it can bring. They knew from the instant they saw one of those moments, life would be different, and they were right. They have watched too much news and have cried for other people. They can't lie, and they don't try to. They are older than I am and they are getting tired of me.

These feet and legs have stood, swollen and bloated until blue-purple explosions came forth, telling the story of my stance; working until days before I was due. They have stomped like a horse trapped in a stall, trying to get the blood to flow, to get the feeling back. They have trembled in nervousness, they have held me up when I thought that something non-physical could crumple me to the ground. Emotions can't break them, they have stood and stood and still, they stand.

This hair. What can I say? It had been controversial at best. It has been all different colors to reflect my moods, it has been gone, absent from class. It has been trying hard to grow, and I kept stunting the process. It has taking it's lashings, and now it is long and falls softly over my shoulders in appreciation. It has hidden my face, covered those eyes,one finger tangled gently in a thinking position while I wrote. It has been a compliment to me on several occasions, by people who don't know what it's like to really have hair like this. I always say I hate it, but I am secretly in love with it. I take it down from it's wrap and press the still-wet strands to my nose, inhaling the scent of my shampoo. I dangle it
over the baby and play peek-a-boo with it, wondering why I ever disliked it. I lay above D, and let the strands tickle his nose until he blows them away with his mouth.

These ears have heard the flurry of activity when my sons were born. They heard D announce that they had arrived, and heard the first crackling screams. Life hurts and I have heard it. I have heard laughter of all kinds, I have been laughed at. I have heard all 5 breaths that belong to this house, a communal heaving, and it has put me to sleep. I hear D snoring from the other room.

These breasts have been pulled, pinched, bitten, and pierced. They have been swollen with milk, they have been punched, they have been fallen on top of and manhandled. They have been pressed on,up against, and rolled over. It's a wonder they haven't figured out how to scream yet.

My stomach has been shrunken, expanded, overfilled, smashed by a uterus, and pummeled by bullies. It has been slapped and smacked, it has been caressed and kissed, starved even, and it has still come back to me.All of it has come back to me. Lucky, lucky I am for this body.

Calling for Help

2006-09-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

A friend of a cyberbuddy of mine has been in a tragic accident. Her community has set up a charity store at Hyena Cart to help the family out. There are a few more details at the store, but if you can at all help out, it would be appreciated by everyone involved. Thanks!

News

2006-09-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

Madrid fashion show bans 5 thin models.

And...

British minister says ban scrawny models.

Thanks, Sara!

Kellie

2006-09-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

I want to start off by saying how wonderful your site is. I have truly been empowered by the photos of other mothers on your site. It is wonderful to know that I'm not the only woman who is marked by the scars of pregnancy.

Let me begin with the fact that I have always had issues with my body. At the age of 24, I can safely say that I have never felt completely happy with the way I look. One of my main worries throughout my pregnancy was how much weight I was going to gain and how I would look when it was all over. All in all, I feel more at peace with my body than I have because I know it looks the way it does for a reason. I know that the stretch marks and wrinkled, saggy skin were from housing my beautiful baby boy. He makes it all worth it.

I gained 30-35 lbs during my pregnancy and lost it in a very short time from breastfeeding. (I am still nursing him so I didn't post any breasts pictures. (Who knows what the damage will be when that's over with. They are already looking a little droopy!) The fast weight loss and breastfeeding did a number on my body. I am actually smaller than I was pre-pregnancy, but my body is a messed up version of it's former self :) Anyway, with all that said I am not ashamed of the way that I look. I actually smile at my naked body in the mirror when I get out of the shower. I figure that it could be worse and if I had to do it all over again to have my son here with me, then I would do it in a heartbeat! I will never forget my pregnancy and his wonderful birth 7 short months ago. Any time I get a little bothered by my body, his smile reminds me what's really important in life.

Kellie

Here is my belly at 7 months post-partum:

Rachael

2006-09-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

My name is Rachael and I am 27 years old. I became pregnant when I was 18 years old. I was a size 6 and still thought I wasn't skinny enough. At that time, I knew only one other person my age who had been pregnant. My adoptive mother was never able to have children, so she also had no clue of what to expect. I had two "back-to-back" pregnancies, and gained 65 pounds with each one. All of the sudden, I was wearing a size 20! I had seen so many pictures in pregnancy magazines of round, stretch-mark-free bellies, and toned arms and legs. I also studied photographs in "new mommy" magazines of women getting back into prepregnancy shape, looking like they must have never been pregnant to begin with! And here I was, huge and saggy
and literally covered in stretch marks. I had expected to get them on my belly. Maybe even my breasts. But I had them all the way down my inner thigh and calf, my lower back, my crotch, and up and down my sides. I thought I was a total freak!

It wasn't until my friends began having babies and we started to show each other our new "mommy bodies" that I realized how totally normal I was. I was so relieved to find out that I wasn't the only one who was hiding under long t-shirts and constantly hiking up low-rider jeans.

A few years later, I became pregnant with my third child. I faithfully did my cardio workouts, practiced yoga, and was fanatical about my diet. I gained 60 pounds. I came to the conclusion that I was never going to be one of those women with the "basketball tummy". I am the kind of woman who will blow up to astounding proportions, grow a belly outwards AND sideways, and birth wonderfully healthy 9 pound babies.

This was taken a few months before my first pregnancy. The stupid thing is, I thought I looked "so fat" in this picture:

This picture was taken a week before my third son was born:

And this is me today, 10 months postpartum:

Linda

2006-09-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

When I was fourteen years old I weighed 125 lbs. at 5'6". My mother worried because I was ostracized for being "fat" and my pediatrician felt that while my weight was normal for an adult woman, it was unhealthy for a girl my age. I was put on a severe calorie restriction diet, thus setting the stage for future food and weight issues.

In my 20's I had the misfortune of marrying a man who wished more than anything that I could look like a model, and his desire and my insecurity conspired to put me on a fitness regimen that made me miserable. At my low point (both in terms of weight and emotionally,) with running three miles a day and starving myself, I weighed 138 and still had drumstick thighs and a poochy stomach. When I divorced him I decided to start eating and moving in a way that I enjoyed, and I hovered around 155 for a while. I felt better at that weight than I ever had in my life, and it started to occur to me that maybe one's body image isn't totally objective after all.

I fell madly in love then with an incredible man, and over the next decade had four babies, gaining 35 lbs. with each, but losing less than that after each birth. That's how I crept up to my present weight of 200 lbs.

At age 40, I love the way my body feels, as do my babies and my husband. I'm sure that my husband finds slim bodies attractive, but if his actions count for anything, he finds my body -- or probably more accurately, *me* -- attractive also, and he's never said one negative word about my cellulite and large stomach, wise man that he is. I don't like to be seen in public in bathing suit or shorts. I wear long flowing skirts to cover my thighs. Every once in a while someone will ask when I'm "expecting".

The first picture shows me at the end of my fourth pregnancy. (That's henna on my belly.) Strangely, I have no stretch marks like most women do, perhaps because my belly's always been big. It didn't have much stretching to do. I love my body so much when pregnant -- it's the only time I feel allowed to love the size of my belly. It made me choke up a little to see this picture. I think it's beautiful.

The second picture is how I look currently, about two years postpartum. I don't diet anymore. There's been enough harm done to my body and soul.

-Linda
autonomousbirth.blogsome.com

p.s. Please don't use these photos anywhere but on this website without permission. Thanks.

Body Image Links

2006-09-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

I was poking around a few nights ago and came across some great links, I thought applied to the subject here. I will add them to the sidebar, too, but wanted to make an "announcement" formally.

The sculptures at The Real Women Project are amazing. Amazing.

Check out this example of airbrushing. Funny, but after seeing the original, not only do I wonder WHY they airbrushed, but I think the result is a plasticky, Barbie-like figure.

And, finally, this one was actually mentioned to me quite some time ago, but got lost in the shuffle and I forgot to post it. A Fitting Experience is, according to her site, "a community project entitled, A Fitting Experience, I invited a group of women to contemplate the following questions while shopping for new clothes:

1. How do you feel about your body?
2. What did you think to yourself about your body as you tried on this garment?
3. Describe your body size and shape.

I then asked the women to record their responses on the paper tags of their newly purchased garments."

Stephanie

2006-09-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

This website is so amazing! It's great to see what a "normal" female body looks like for once! My name is Stephanie and I am 21 years old. I'm a mother to a handsome 1 year old boy that I just adore. I got pregnant a week after turning 20, and was lucky enough to have a pretty smooth pregnancy, although I did test positive for Group B Strep. I gained 60 pounds throughout the entire 9 months, and lost 30 of those pounds just through giving birth. I breastfed for 7 months and lost another 15 pounds. Although my husband and I are not planning on having anymore children, we feel so lucky to have our son. He is worth every stretch mark, every push in the delivery room, every night of having to stay up to feed him, every dirty diaper, and even 2 saggy boobs :D

Here I am at 2 months pregnant...

17 weeks...

21 weeks...

28 weeks...

I never remembered to take pictures of my growing belly during my pregnancy. I worked up until the day I had him, so I spent my leisure time resting. Here are pictures of my stomach 1 year after giving birth...

I can't seem to find the time to exercise, but plan on starting yoga once it get's cooler. I love my son more than I could ever imagine. And I'm proud of myself and my body for being able to create such a beautiful, happy person.

My son and I now...

Photo of the Week 9/11/06

2006-09-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

flaviatrenchcrop
Originally uploaded by mickey-finn.

Not only is this photo beautiful in terms of photography, but it is also beautiful in terms of motherhood. I love the way they stretch their little arms (or, as in the case of my current nursling, shove their little fingers up your nose), as their hands explore their world; their mother. Also? Love the hair!

Melissa

2006-09-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

Being morbidly obese is something I identify with every single day, but it wasn't until I was pregnant that I gained a better body self-image. Pregnant, I felt the glow despite the hormonal rivers that shown upon my face with acne. I was truly happy. My feet were swollen and I had edema. Gestational diabetes, faded away towards the last weeks of my pregnancy, but left little black needle marks and bruises all over my baby swollen tummy. I felt the kicks and flutters of excitement of life growing inside a once barren environment. I felt like I was on top of the world. When I was nine months pregnant, many people asked me if I was glad to soon be delivering my son, and I would respond back that I was content he was thriving inside of me. Him growing in utero was the most fabulous and remarkable time of my life. I didn't know that when I went into a mad rage to clean and tidy up our room for my son's arrival that I was indeed nesting. Nor did I know that when I felt my son kicking-out in utero was actually me having some major contractions. So when I went in to have my amniocentesis to check for his lung development to deliver him early because of gestational diabetes, I was shocked to know that I would be admitted to Labor and Delivery immediately without the amnio nor my husband by my side. My son came into this world, January 19th, 2006, at 9:26 pm and I felt a wave of sadness knowing born my son would no longer be inside of my womb. I had pangs of sadness that didn't allow me to sleep after having the emergency c-section after I had failed labor and he was lodged in my birthing canal. I saw my son briefly when my husband walked him over all snuggled up in his aquamarine and pink striped receiving blanket and I kissed him for the first time. With surprise of not being able to see because I didn't have on eyeglasses and the shock of, yes, I am a mother now, I had a hard time with the reality he was indeed was my newborn son. Thankfully, logic pulled through and I trusted the newborn my husband was holding was indeed our son made out of our love and committment for one another. It wasn't until 8 am the next morning Tien Andrew Yoyo Yuen was cleared by doctors and nurses to be healthy enough to be held by his Mommy for the first time. I still treasure that first time I held my son and am thankful my husband took a picture of it. My face is evident that acne broke out all over. I was thoroughly tired cause I didn't sleep and still, yet, I was in heaven because I was a new mother. Enclosed are two pictures I treasure. You can visit my son's web blog on his development in utero and after birth at http://dimartino-yuenbaby.blogspot.com. I thank you for telling the stories of so many women around the world. Its given to me courage to express my story of how my morbidly obese body turned into a haven to grow and nurture a loving son.

Melissa DiMartino-Yuen

Misty

2006-09-06T21:34:00.001-07:00

Hello mammas ^_^ My name is Misty, I'm twenty-four. I have boy/girl twins. I have been married one year. ^_^ (this is the only site I have: http://nocuously.livejournal.com)

I really wish I knew the women on this forum in real life. I could use the strength in dealing with what is now my new body.

Here is my birth story. In April 2004,I became increasingly bloated until I could hardly bend my knees. Scared to go to the doctor, I put it off for over a month. On May 21st of 2004 I was diagnosed with Minimal Change Glomerulonephritis (a disease where my immune system was attacking my kidneys, for an unknown reason). After a week's stay and biopsy in the hospital, I was told to rest and take dozens of medications. In the next year, my boyfriend stood by me. In May of 2005, after five attempts to control the disease, I was put on a round of chemo. I remissed at the end of June. Where does the baby come in? Here we go. ^_^

My boyfriend and I married on our seventh year anniversary, on September 1st. In August we started trying for a baby, having been told that I may be infertile due to the chemo. On my honeymoon, I didn't get the period for which I was due. On the fourth, I took an at home test. It was positive. I took another one in the morning, before calling the doctor, that too was positive. How eerie, because, at the end of September at the OB, she said I was having twins!

I've been through alot. I have come to love myself and treasure every minute. My pregnancy went well. I never worried about having a baby until they tried to tell me I couldn't. Then I was more than happy to prove that I could have TWO, let alone one! A part of me, is ashamed by the way I look, not for me, but ashamed that others may be offended. But honestly, for the chance to be a mother, it is well worth it. I have been given angels. My kidney doctor said that pregnancy could change my chemistry...and make my disease worse or...I would find it never comes back again. My aggressive disease hasn't come back. I believe my babies saved my life. For that, they have claimed my tummy. If I could tighten the skin, I would still keep my stretch marks and c-section scar as badges of honor. The hanging skin I can do without, but the women in my family have faith that I can overcome that, either mentally and/or in actuality.

My twins are Adian Anthony (6lbs 7 1/4 oz) and Amelia Grace (4 lbs). They are angels. In the most real way.

I am trying to come to terms with my new body. I am amazed at the life I created and the fact that I can nurse them with my own body. As for the stomach, I try not to think about it, but my sexuality is lost to me. It seems I am a mother solely and I have such a hard time finding myself sexy this way. I am working on it though. One day, I want to go to a nude beach, just as I am, and embrace this body as my home, something to be honored.

Sorry this was so long. Thank you very much for reading. Here's a small photo journey.

This is me, before it all (trying to be like Betty Page..heh).

This is the ONLY picture I allowed taken of me when I was sick (May 8th 2004, my birthday) with my little sisters.

This is my husband and I on our wedding day ^_^

This is my tummy before (sorry such a small pic)

This is my belly at 6 months (right before the stretch marks, I have other belly pictures on film that aren't developed yet)

This is my tummy 9-02-06 (post partum)

These are my babies as newborns.

Aidan

And Amelia

Here are my babies and I (they are about three and a half months here)

Thanks again. ^_^ Good luck mommies and mommies-to-be, it's just amazing.

Mel

2006-09-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

The first is me at 37 weeks with my first son. He was an emergency c-sec. After 2 hours of pushing at home, we discovered he was breech and that I'd crowned a hip, not a head. The next are of me, 9 months after my second boy, who was a sucessful vbac. I didn't get a really good pic of my c-sec scar which is completely crooked :) Though, the way it curves, if you look at my torso, I've got a smilely face :) nipples for eyes, belly button for a nose, and the scar makes a nice smile! *laughs*

Thank you for this wonderfull site you have provided for moms everywhere!!!

Photo of the Week 9/04/06

2006-09-04T21:03:00.000-07:00

augustmyrtlebeach 0371
Originally uploaded by Officially a Mom.

I love seeing mamas showing skin and confidance. This photo seemed especially appropriate as we say goodbye to the summer.

Helen

2006-09-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

I have three children, two girls and boy, ages 5, 3, and nine months. My girls were born only sixteen months apart, and the toll on my body was huge. The space between my second girl and my little boy- almost three years- felt luxurious and long, and thankfully, the recovery time for my body has been much quicker this time. But even though I feel like I'm looking pretty good these days, nine months after his birth, I still get people asking me if I'm pregnant quite often. That prompted me to start exercising (I got a bike and surprise, surprise, I still remember how to ride...) and I got a few intoxicating "Have you lost weight?" comments, followed by another dissapointing question about my nonexistent pregnancy just last week.

I wish I had some pictures of my belly after my first two births, but I guess it wouldn't have occured to me to take any, because I found my body too upsetting- the stretch marks, the awful fold-over flap in my belly, the general spread-out-ness of my whole torso. After each birth, my belly really was deflated- I was huge each time, so much so that people thought I was six months pregnant when I was two, or nine months when I was five. I can't count the number of times people asked if I was having twins, or said "So, you must be due any day now!" when I had several more long months ahead of me.

Finally though, and in large part from seeing all these pictures of all these beautiful, brave mothers, I'm finding some self-esteem again, and realizing that the body I have now was strong enough to birth and nurse three big, healthy babies, and that's worth infinitely more than tight abs. I actually like my body now- when I went to take some pictures to send in, I was surprised to see that they actually looked kind of sexy, and that I looked MUCH better than the image I had in my mind. And even though I thought that my immediate-post-birth belly was here to stay, and that I'd better just accept it, it's firmed up considerably, the stretch marks are light, and the fold-over has subsided to an acceptable level. The pictures here are of my 39 week belly with my son, me looking very, very tired and overdrawn from carrying my big boy, and two shots from a few weeks ago.

Thank you "Shape of a Mother" and Bonnie! This is what the Internet should be used for! This is social change and it's revolutionary! Vive la belly!

39 week belly

So very tired...

The view from above

I look better than I think I do...

Round like the moon

Amber

2006-08-31T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hi!

What a wonderful website you have, I would like to contribute my photos to your collection. These photos were taken by me (I'm a photographer by profession) during my 9th month of pregnancy with my first child, Sutton. He just turned 6 months old today and my body is back to nearly pre-pregnancy, with larger hips of course. I think it is so important to celebrate the natural beauty of women, all shapes and sizes, as mothers we must strive to represent reality in a culture that is obsessed with stick figure people.

Regards,
Amber, Age 25

P.S. I documented my pregnancy every single day during the pregnancy and afterwards, including photos, if you would like to subscribe or share the blog, the url is: www.xanga.com/mybaby2be

Kristen

2006-08-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

It's hard to go from looking fertile and goddess-like to looking empty and deflated. This is the difference between the full vessel at 32 weeks and the empty vessel 4 weeks post-partum. I am not vain, nor do I care if my belly is soft and stretch-marked, but it sure is nice to know that there are other mothers out there with the same affliction. The children who came from this womb are more beautiful than my belly ever was, so I feel like I got the best end of this deal!

CDMG

2006-08-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

Hello. First I would like to thank you sooo much for making this wondeful site. It has helped me to see that there are others out there besides me that have stretch marks and changes all over their bodies due to pregnancy.

I found out I was pregnant at a young age of only 14 years old. It was a very hard and rough pregnancy to say the least. I gained over 75 Ibs. My body was swollen from head to toe. I had very bad edema. I also had Toximia. My blood preasure got as high as 225/125. After giving birth I was placed on many medications to bring my blood preasure down and one landed me in ICU with a heart rate of only 17 beats per minute. So needless to say at this point in time my body image was the least of my worries. But soon everything started to fall back to normal. I lost down to 140 Ibs. which is very small for me. At age 19 I got pregnant yet again. This time I went into pre-term labor at 28 weeks and was placed on Turbuline (spelling?) and had to go to the hospital every tuesday and thursday to recieve IV fluids. I stayed on bedrest and meds. and got the IV fluids untill I finally gave birth at 41 weeks 5 days. In labor the babies heart rate dropped to 30 beats per minute. It was a very hard and stressful labor/delivery. I got most all of my stretch marks from my first pregnancy. I only gained 22 Ibs. with my second.

I look down at my BADLY scarred stomach and I see a brave teenage girl who carryed 2 beautiful healthy baby boys. I have been asked my many kids that see my belly "What are those ugly scarrs on your belly?" I simply tell them that they are my badges of honor. Scarrs that I have recieved creating life and suffering through heart ache and pain to recieve in the end the most amazing gift that God could ever give. Life.

Some of my stretch marks are VERY wide and long. Very red and thin. I am not embarrassed by them what-so-ever. They help me to remember what a strong person I am. How I have carryed a life within and ended up with my 2 sweet precious boys that I love so much. I would go through both pregnancies all over again and recieve these stretch marks and even more for my 2 babies.

Thank you again for this wonderful site.

These pictures are of me 3 years after giving birth. I am currently over-weight and trying to get the weight off.

Photo of the Week 8/28/06

2006-08-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

My milk started already.
Originally uploaded by pissedbaby.

"My milk came early and easy."

I love this picture from the look on her face to her posture. And, of course, the milk.

Jill

2006-08-27T21:34:00.000-07:00

I have always struggled with my body image, yo-yoing between being overweight and being obsessively thin from puberty on. When I was about 26 I finally got myself under control, living a balanced lifestyle and maintaining a healthy weight. Then I got pregnant, and gained 42lbs. I actually lost it pretty easily between having a very active maternity leave and breastfeeding..but once I got back to work I gained 40lbs in 2 years. Working and being a mom was so hard for me, I could not even think about exercise or healthy eating. I have gotten back under control in the last 8 months or so, and lost 30lbs. Though I am not skinny, I am doing good for me and my naturally chubby body, love of food and busy lifestyle with little time for exercise. I still feel fat sometimes, but your site makes me remember that I am also a mom, and my body has done something wonderful by carrying a baby, and feeding that baby with my body for over 2 years. Here are pics of me at 38wks pregnant, and a few weeks ago. Notice I continue to proudly wear my beloved navel ring!!!

Jill
www.zozosmamma.blogspot.com

Jessie

2006-08-26T00:03:00.000-07:00

I was going to share my belly shots several weeks ago, but chickened out at the last minute. I've thought about it a lot since then, and I've decided I really want to do this. Before I found this site I really thought I was the only woman out there that had stretch marks like this. They cover my body from nipples to knees, with some as thick as my fingers. I never took any photos of my belly while I was pregnant because I was so ashamed of the way I looked. I gained nearly 80 lbs. with each of my two children. It seemed like my skin was literally being torn apart from the inside.

I've lost all the pregnancy weight (my youngest is 2 years old now), and then some, through breastfeeding, diet, and excersice, but I've only just started to feel comfortable with how I look. This site has helped me in that department in a huge way. My tummy was affectionately known as the prune-belly in our family, but I always thought my stretch marks looked more like the tracks a snail makes in the sand at the bottom of a lake. So to all you other tiger-bellies, and zebra-bellies, I add my snailtrack-belly. The marks of motherhood are echoed all around us.

--Jessie

Kelli

2006-08-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Shape Of A Mother,

Thank you for the terrific site. I've never been so effected by pictures.

Our first pregnancy/delivery was a breeze. Three months to conceive, followed by 8-1/2 months of blissfully easy pregnancy, after which my water broke and a healthy baby girl was born.

Our second pregnancy took us nearly two years to achieve, and was rockier. Our second little girl was stubbornly late. After inducing the delivery, there were complications. The umbilical chord was wrapped around her neck twice, and she was ultimately delivered by emergency c-section.

Our third pregnancy surprised us, from beginning to end. Our son was born 6-1/2 weeks early. It was a very scary and emotional time for us. The doctor made a "north/south" incision on the chance that I would need a hysterectomy as well (in case there was complications with the placenta.) We're very thankful that all of our babies were delivered and grew to be healthy kids.

Here is my contribution. Nearly three years after the youngest was born.

Thank you.

Kelli

L

2006-08-23T21:46:00.000-07:00

The color photo included is of me at 6 weeks pregnant. The two black and white photo's are of me now, at 19 1/2 months PP. I'm now 10 lbs lighter than I was pre baby but no one tells you that even when you lose all the weight things are never quite the same.

A friend (not a mama) asked me once what I would give to have my old body back. She's petrified of what's going to happen when she gets pregnant and no longer has her body (in which all of her self worth is planted.) I realized then that there was no way to explain to her the trade that takes place. I gave up my perky breasts I liked to "show off" for a slightly deflated version that sustained a human life *exclusively* for nine months and partially nourishes him now at 19 months. I gave up my smooth, tan stomach for a softer version. But my new stomach has felt the kick of life from the inside and cushions the cuddles of my toddler son who cares more about jumping on mama then whether or not my old jeans fit. My hips are wider now. But there is no way my slimmer hips could have carried a boy that weighed 35 lbs at 18 months. You can't explain to someone that becoming a mother tests who you thought you were and forces you to become a better person you never thought you could be. I can't explain that my husband finds me attractive b/c he loves me and admires the amazing abilities of a woman's body. Not because I no longer wear short skirts and high heels.

I hope that women like my friend find the site and read the stories and see the amazing pictures of real women. I hope then they'll understand that all of the make up and tight clothes (and airbrushing) in the world can't give you what the women represented here have- A sisterhood of mothers to encourage and support one another, respect for their bodies, and a love for a child that supersedes any amount of weight gain or stretch marks. We're more than push up bras and thong underwear. We're women, vessels of life, sensual beings, mother's, daughter's, sister's-
and mother's.

Anonymous

2006-08-22T22:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Shape of a Mother,

I am a 29 year old sahm to 2 wonderful children. I have always been very self-conscous of my body and I still am to this day. The shame happens quite often especially when I am asked how far along I am. Those crushing feelings rear their ugly head when I reply that I am not pregnant and that my baby will soon be 5 years old.

I am in love with a man who does not love me and his love is denied me because of my body. I don't want him to love me for my body. I want him to love me for me!

I have learned to hide my feelings and my body well! I want to overcome that shame and reading this site helps to pull me from my cocoon. I am determined to love myself no matter what! And seeing other beautiful women inside and out helps me on my journey!

Thank you!

~Anonymous

Photo of the Week 8/21/06

2006-08-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

sausage toes
Originally uploaded by megalonychidae.

I love the reality of this photo; sometimes our mother-bodies are shaped by things well beyond our control - complications, preeclampsia, health risks... It's amazing the things our bodies can survive. In some cases, the marks are left for life, like the rings of a tree. We can look at the scars on our bodies and they tell our biographies for us.

Casey

2006-08-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

In 2003 I weighed 227 pounds, at a height of 5'5". I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes, which is another story in and of itself. Over the course of the next three years, in fits and spurts, I lost 55 pounds. From January through October of 2005 is when I lost the most - when I exercised six days a week, toned my body up tightly, and learned how to run, racing in 3 5K races in July, September and October. In 2005, at my lowest weight since my teenage years (172 pounds!), I became pregnant.

I was anxious about gaining weight, because I'd spent much of my time and effort losing it. I vowed to exercise every single day of my pregnancy, to run until I couldn't possibly run another step. I never anticipated how very tired and sore my first trimester would be. My breasts ached so much that walking made my chest throb in pain. I was exhausted all of the time, and the nausea was overwhelming. The last time I ran was on November 8th, the day before I tested positive. I tried to run a couple of times afterward, but it just didn't work out. I walked every single day, out of necessity, as I don't have a car and commute to work every day via train.

Over the course of the pregnancy, I gained nearly 50 pounds. Half of my weight gain was during the first trimester, when I added 25 without really trying at all - the lack of high-paced exercise plus extra food eaten so I wouldn't feel queasy or nauseated added up, and added up quickly. My diabetes meant that I had to watch every morself of food I ate and check my blood sugar 4 times daily. I had to take oral medication daily to assist with my blood sugar maintenance, along with daily vitamins and folic acid.

Up until my sixth month of pregnancy, I didn't feel pregnant at all. I didn't worry about stretch marks because my belly was already littered with them from my previous weight gain, but I worried about how I would lose the weight associated with this pregnancy. I didn't feel pregnant; I felt fat. The moment I felt my son move inside me and kick me was one of the most enchanted feelings I've ever experienced. And then seeing my belly slowly start to swell made me slowly change my opinion of my body from "Fat and Ugly" to "Pregnant and Beautiful." I reveled in the swell of my body, the curves of my belly, knowing that I was giving sustenance to a life within me.

I loved being pregnant, despite the daily blood sugar pricks, despite the medication, despite the higher blood pressure toward the end of my pregnancy, despite the weekly non-stress tests during the last month. Being pregnant was the most empowering experience I've ever had - to know that I can contribute to the creation of a life is the most amazing thing I've ever done.

My birth experience, while not ideal (I was induced at 38w3d because of low amniotic fluid), was also empowering as well. I labored for 21 hours, six of which was spent pushing a 15 inch head through a narrow birth canal, pushing like crazy to avoid having to undergo a c-section. I pushed harder than I've ever worked out before, and pushed out an 8lb, 6oz boy, 20 inches long, huge head, and perfect in every way.

Our relationship has flourished ever since. He nurses from me and as I did when he was inside, I provide him sustenance and contribute to his growth. He is growing magnificently. And even though he doesn't know it, he has given me a huge gift - my self-esteem and understanding about my body I would have never gotten from any amount of therapy or weight loss. My stretch marks (my new ones from pregnancy!) are my daily evidence that I held a human inside me for nine months. I am proud of these track marks and wear them gladly.

I tracked my pregnancy through (almost) weekly photographs (located here).

Mosaic Minds Interview

2006-08-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late on this as I've been busy (read: "my husband bought me The Sims and... I... can't... STOP!"), but my long-lost cyber-friend Beverly caught up with me and interviewed me for her awesome zine. Go check it out!

Katie

2006-08-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am a 26 year old mother of one, my amazing son, Patrick. Despite remaining very active during my pregnancy, and not gaining any weight until the third trimester, I still managed to pack on 40 lbs in the last six weeks. I've included a picture of a hike to the top of a local waterfall at 33 weeks, over 4 miles round trip. We still do not have an explanation for the weight gain, but it happened. After 25 hours of natural labor, my son was born via c-section because his head was turned, and he was rather stuck. He was born 6/9/05 at 36 weeks, 6lbs, 11oz. He is the joy of my life, even though he's screaming at me right now for typing this, and I don't know what I would do without him!

My weight loss was good at first, I quickly lost 25 lbs, but then stalled, and actually gained 10-15 of that back and floated between 195-197. I've been taking Merida since June 23rd as all other attempts to loose weight have failed, and I'm now down to 178, getting closer to my prepregnancy weight of 170. I plan to try to loose more though, and get back to 135 if possible. I will be back with more pictures when I've reached my goal! Between the beginning of a new school year (I teach juniors at a local high school), and chasing around my very active toddler, I think my journey won't be too terribly long, though I know it won't be easy.

I applaud your efforts with this site, as they have encouraged me to be proud of my badges of honor rather than ashamed!

Hathor Herself!

2006-08-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Dearest Shape of a Mother,

I have been searching in vain for the Shape of a Goddess website only to find that it doesn't exist. drat! So I am offering up my humble photos to your site for inclusion in the 'wall of yummy mummy fame'. Please note that this divinely bovinely body has housed THREE children and supported their subsequent nutritional needs for almost 9 years consecutively, or totally, or you know, for a really really long time. These photos were taken in my cowgoddess lair by my nine year old at 2 years 1 month 16 days postpartum. (and also, please note that during my pregnancies I like to add on about 70 pounds due to a sweet sponsorship deal with Ben and Jerry's and then as a side note: Ben and Jerry's doesn't actually pay me in any way.)

I am wearing a mask in the photos so that I may remain anonymous - You may of course include this letter in its entirety,

Love,
The Goddess of Moo

Hathor the Cowgoddess and the Evolution Revolution
Amusing cartoons and insightful/incite-ful commentary about homebirthing, breastfeeding on demand, maintaining constant contact, sharing space, unschooling and saving the world.

http://www.hathorthecowgoddess.com/

Heather

2006-08-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

I am the mama to two beautiful girls.

I never had a lot of confidence in my body until after I had my babies. Now I think my body rocks!

I suffered a stroke when I was born and have some muscle weakness along half my body. I was always treated by my family like there was something wrong with me. I am not a big person and was told not to gain weight because it would make my limp worse... basically it was a set up for a crappy self-image. I never was athletic and I was slow to mature. My teen years were filled with all the usual body anxiety, and then some.

But finally I grew some, got older, got married, and concieved easily. My pregnancies were problem free, essentially, except for the weight gain. I gained about 40 pounds with one pregnancy and 50 with my second daughter. My normal weight is about 110 so walking long distances, stairs, getting in the car, and carrying my firstborn became so difficult. I have good skin; the only stretch marks I have are very old silver ones on my hips and buttocks from a teenage growth spurt. Pregnancy did not deliver any more for me, thankfully. (I worried about them a lot.) My belly sags now, though, after my second pregnancy, and I havent sprung back like I did after my first. Its been nine months and I probably should start doing some exercises to help things along. Can skin even tighten up after it's been stretched so far?

I had a good hospital birth, vaginal delivery with my first. With my second, I had a super fast labor and delivery at home (we planned the homebirth). Delivering my baby on my dining room floor, with my husband catching the baby, is a memory I feed on when I feel powerless. I am amazed at what my body can do. I enjoy being pregnant so much and miss having the babies inside. If I have another, I want to enjoy every single minute fully and hope to deliver at home again. Being pregnant and witnessing all that my body can do, and can do well, has given me much more faith in my physical body and deepened my faith in God as well.

The biggest physical change motherhood brought me is breasts! I have them now! My husband teases me that he liked them better beforewhen they were smaller. They have never been big and they arent big now, but they are bigger. They changed significantly during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. They grew. They shrunk when I lost all the pregnancy weight plus ten pounds. Then they grew again with my second pregnancy. I hope they dont get too saggy but I dont care too much. My body is changing and so is my outlook. My stomach, which flattened out after the first birth, is soft and the skin is crepey. Maybe it will tighten up; maybe not. I dont really care, because I know there is far more to life than vanity.

About the photos: I am 8 months pregnant in the belly pic--I got even bigger! In the breast pics, one was taken when my first daughter was 16 months old. The other was take two weeks after I delived baby number two. The other pic is me, nine months postpartum after the 2nd pregnancy.

Breastfeeding Book

2006-08-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

A friend of a friend is trying to gather stories for a breastfeeding book so I thought I'd pass the word along in case anyone is willing to participate. Details below. :)

How to participate:
1. Email me your "Letter to my nursing child", written as if you were writing to your child, about what it has been like/was like to nurse that child. 2-4 paragraphs. Please know that you may send a letter for each child you have nursed, no matter how many children you have. PLEASE START EACH LETTER WITH, "DEAR (CHILD'S FIRST NAME),"

2. Email me at least 2 good quality pictures of you and your child. At least 1 must be a breastfeeding picture, if at all possible. Modest photos are happily accepted, as well as not so modest. Feel free to include 1-2 non nursing pics as well. Pics will be converted to black and white, so if your best pics are in black and white,
that's even better! Please understand that pics will be somewhat edited to make them work on the page, but the editing will be minimal, mostly for color, clarity, and crispness.

3. Include written permission for your pictures and story to be used in the book, "Letters To My Nursing Child" by Tami Schlosser.

I'd love to have this ready for purchase before Mother's Day 2007! I know, it is very soon, but if I get my submissions in, I can do it!!

So, EMAIL ME!!! And pass this email address along! letterstomynursingchild@gmail.com

Photo of the Week

2006-08-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

Self Portrait Challenge: Birth
Originally uploaded by mama k.

When I first saw this photo, I fell in love with it and knew that whenever I got around to starting a Photo of the Week from our Flickr Group this would be one of them. (I've technically blogged one other photo from the group before without giving it the title, by the way.)

Anyway, I'm going to try to choose a new photo each Monday to post on the blog.

The woman to whom this photo belongs blogged about it back in May. It's a beautiful entry, and I highly recommend it.

Anonymous

2006-08-13T23:39:00.000-07:00

This site has done wonders for my body image. When I got pregnant with my now 24 month old daughter, I weighed 125lbs. During that pregnancy I was basically a couch potatoe and constantly snacked, resulting in an astonishing 75lb weight gain. I hated my body, I got stretch marks on my belly, legs, and arms. After my daughter's birth I had to work extremely hard to lose the weight. I went on Weight Watchers and got down to 145lbs, then went back up to 150/155lbs when I got pregnant again. This pregnancy I have been much smarter, eating healthier, excercising, etc. So far I have gained 40lbs less that what I gained in my first pregnancy. I feel good, I don't hate my body, and I feel a LOT healthier than I did during my first pregnancy. My body image is also a lot different. I only have new stretch marks on my tummy, and I am proud of them, I think of them as badges of honor. My breasts are saggy from nursing my first daughter, but I couldn't be more proud of them either, I think of them as working breasts. My husband, daughter, and I went to the beach a few weeks ago and after about ten minutes of awkwardness I had no problems wearing my bathing suit. I read your site all the time, and it has definately helped change my perspective on my body....now I don't see myself as having a "fat" body, but instead view myself as a vessel of life. Thank you for this site.

This picture of me was taken this morning, I am 35 weeks pregnant.

Side view

In this picture you can see my new "badges of honor" on my tummy. The ones from my first pregnancy have faded to a silvery white and are not really visible.

Jen

2006-08-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

I got pregnant when I was 17. I was a cheerleader and was working out atleast 15 hours a week. I never liked my body, I always thought I was fat. I MISS that body and wish I could go back an accept it.

This was me just before I got pregnant.

I figured I would bounce back and boy was I wrong. I weighed 175lbs when I gave birth and weighed the same a year later. Despite exercise and diet. In the past 10 months I have come down to 145lbs-147lbs. I teeter in that area. I have a horrible body image but this website has helped alot !

My stretch marks will always be with me and I have not gotten to a point where I feel showing my stomach to anyone.

Someday I hope I can proudly walk around in a bikini and not be embarrassed of my "baby lines"

5 Weeks pregnant

19 Weeks

30 weeks

40 weeks

Almost 23 months after giving birth to a healthy, happy daughter

my stretch marks

Thanks for this great website !

Megan in CA

2006-08-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

I got pregnant with twins on my honeymoon. I never had to go on bed rest and I worked up until the day before I had them. I had high blood pressure all through the pregnancy but dangerously so towards the end, so I had a c-section at 36 weeks. If I had had normal blood pressure I'm sure I could have carried them to term, although I don't know if I would have wanted to: My son was born 8 lbs 10 oz and my daughter at 6 lbs 9 oz.

Before I had the kids I felt okay about the way my body looked; I could have stood to lose 5 or so pounds but I was relatively fit at about 145/5'8". At my heaviest, I was probably around 240, I forget now, but being pregnant and weighing a lot didn't bother me. I think it was the first time in a long, long time that I didn't feel guilty about eating.

Motherhood was a HUGE change for me and I ate a lot of consolation icecream those first months with the kids. I packed back on a lot of weight, which I never really got rid of. Now, three years later, I'm still a size larger than I used to be, flabbier and with a bigger bra size. If I could change anything about my appearance it would be my breasts. I loved my pre-pregnancy 36 B breasts. Now I'm a sagging 38-C, down from a 38DD a year ago. I always said I would never get plastic surgery, but that was before kids. I'm seriously thinking of a breast reduction (no implants) but I don't know if that will ever happen. My minimal stretch marks on my hips and thighs don't bother me, the stomach could be firmer, yes. I'm getting back in shape after all this time, with jogging and a healthy diet and I hope to be where I'd like to in another couple months.

My children were born healthy, and after 2-days in the NICU and a too-long, five-day stay for all of us in the hospital, we went home and had a LOT of help for the first two months. It's hard work being a mom, but I don't think there's anything better.

Megan in CA

I was either like one day pregnant in this photo or about to become pregnant. I had my honeymoon two months before the wedding.

Two months pregnant at our wedding. I had four pounds of foundation underware on. We were waiting to tell people until the 3 month mark.

Here I am at about 36 weeks. It made me tired to stand up. I took a lot of naps.

Three years later.

Jules

2006-08-09T14:45:00.000-07:00

I got pregnant by accident when I was 20. My partner and I were both musicians, neither of us had a regular income. Really it couldn't have happened at a worse time, but we decided it wasn't right to terminate and tried to make the best of things.

During the pregnancy I felt happy about my body for the first time ever. I'd been a chubby child, and as an adult was convinced I was fat, blindly refusing to factor in my height of 5'11" in proportion to my weight. But with a smooth round, pregnant belly, I found myself attractive at last.

It didn't last long!

After the birth I looked in the mirror naked and I cried. I looked like a road map, all purple and red. There was flab where I never knew flab could settle. I swore then and there that I would get my pre-pregnancy figure back.

I never did.

Now I'm on my own with my son, who's autistic and quite hard to live with, and I despair sometimes. Who will want me now? Who would be mad enough to take on a single parent, one with a child with special needs and a disgustingly unattractive figure at that?

And then I found this site. It gave me such a jolt to see all these wonderful women with bodies like mine. And they weren't in the least bit unattractive, in fact, they were all beautiful.

Which, I guess, means I am too.

Good luck with the site, I really think what you're doing is fantastic.

Breastfeeding

2006-08-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

Trenton sent me this link today and I thought I'd pass it along. While we're on the subject, has anyone seen the Celebrity Baby Blog's Breastfeeding Gallery up for World Breastfeeding Week?

And I wanted to say, that I am hoping to add a blog for women who are not necessarily mothers soon. :)

Thoughts

2006-08-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

The other day I was in the line at the grocery store and there was a man in front of me - very fit, muscular arms - wearing a tank top. I saw that he had stretch marks on his arms. Now I don't know, perhaps at one time he had gained a lot of weight quickly - or maybe this is a normal thing when lifting weights - but he certainly wasn't "lazy" about his physique as commentors in the past have hinted about us mothers. It just struck me as interesting.

I also wanted to say that the number of submissions have dropped in the last week or so, and I suspect that it's because of the diversity of bodies represented here. I imagine a lot of women look and think their body is nothing new. I just wanted to say, please don't feel you can't join in just because you've found your belly twin! (Reminds me of Joey and his hand twin!) I think part of the beauty of this site is in the stories told along with the photos, and those are never exactly alike.

In site news, we almost have the new submission form ready to use and you can now access this site from the new domain name www.theshapeofamother.com which will currently redirect you here. Working on getting the site transferred totally. I've got a few things up in the Cafe Press store so check that out and let me know what other ideas you have (I'd love to find some ideas for shirts for dad's). I'll be adding to it and tewakingthe look of it as the week goes on, but at least it's there - I'm so excited to be getting some stuff from there, I've never been this excited about a t-shirt before. Hee!

Have a lovely week, ladies!

9 Months of Gestation in 20 Seconds

2006-08-04T15:21:00.000-07:00

LOVE this! Thanks to Scott for the link!

(Ok, it won't let me embed it for some reason... Click here to view the video.)

Mia

2006-08-04T13:55:00.000-07:00

Bonnie, I think it's so wonderful what you're doing on your Shape of a Mother website. I wish you enormous success with it - I'm telling my friends to go see it. My single MALE friends.

I've looked at all the photos on this website. I think I fall somewhere in the middle as far as the "bounce-back" goes, a couple of the photos made me pout with envy but mostly I just felt an amazing kinship with all the other bared bellies. I barely remember what my stomach looked like before I had kids. I saw a "belly shot" of myself at five months pregnant with OldestKid, and I laughed my butt off. My stomach was flatter in that picture than it is today, almost twenty-three months after YoungestKid was born. No stretch marks yet, either. It made me whimper just a little.

I don't mind the belly itself so much. The stretchmarks - I don't even think about them anymore. I got them on my stomach, my breasts, my thighs. They aren't that bad, they're basically flesh toned, and at this point they just happen to be a part of me, like my brown eyes or my short fingers or my fantastic legs. The love-handles (love handles, for pete's sake!), the skin- sag, the pretty much completely horrifying scrotal-foldover when I bend down ... those make me feel indignant. They are not supposed to be there! I mean, maybe they're supposed to be there, but probably just for other women and NOT me - the fact that I have them was obviously a total oversight on nature's part. I still have my linnea negra, too, at twenty-three months post-partum, but I just think that's cute. What's the deal with my belly button changing shape, though? That's not cute or hateful, it's just weird. One thing I do love about my post-partum body is my newly aquired butt - it's not a lot, but it's more than I used to have and hey! It doesn't hurt to sit down anymore.

All that stuff can pretty much be covered up by a properly fitting pair of pants and a shirt that's an appropriate length. Not such a big deal - except the part where I'm a single mom now and have been in a couple of relationships by this point. The first time I was naked in front of a man besides my ex-husband, I actually apologized. For my own body. I shook, I blushed, I said, "I'm sorry... I had kids." He was beautiful, he said, "Don't you ever act ashamed in front of me. You have nothing to be ashamed of." He kissed my belly. He kissed my stretch marks. A funny thing happened when I found a man who really cared about me, who insisted I was beautiful and insisted I believe it too - I became pretty comfortably with my body. Believe me, indignant is a good step up from out-and-out loathing. I find it ironic that I was always so ashamed of my postpartum body in front of my husband, who knew and loved my body before and after I bore his children, and now I don't think twice about wearing a bikini. An actual bikini! In front of people!

I remember a few years ago when a truly beautiful friend of yours and mine got her belly button pierced, after having two kids, and I was horrified at the very thought of lifting my shirt and showing a complete stranger my belly in all it's striped, saggy glory. "I would NEVER be able to do that," I gasped. I'd had it done when I was sixteen, but that was when my tummy was CUTE. Three months ago, with three of my (single, male) friends looking on, I lifted my shirt and got my navel re-pierced by a (single, male, utterly edible) total stranger. It hurt for a split-second, but what I felt more than the pain was a sense of vindication. I won't find my body shameful anymore.

Keep up the good work, Bonnie. I am so proud of you - of all of us - of mothers. Here's me NOT sucking in (I usually do, though, in the spirit of complete honesty).

(My ethnic pride belly button ring, haha.)

Kerrie

2006-08-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

I had my first child 6 years ago next week, the pregnancy, labour and baby days were all text book and perfect, I felt like the luckiest woman alive. Before getting pregnant I was a fairly standard UK size 12 - 14, larger hips than bust but a reasonably flat stomach and shapely waist. When pregnant I was HUGE. From around 6 months people would ask me how many days I had left. I didn't put much weight on anywhere other than my stomach, it looked as though I'd shoved a beachball up my top! I wish I had a digitial pic of that but I don't. Brooke was born on August 10th 2000, 2 weeks early, and weighed in at 7 pounds 11.

After this, my body never quite recovered. I didn't think too much about it but I hated my stretchmarks with a passion and although I longed for my flat stomach back I didn't really do much about it. Over the next couple of years I got back to pretty much my pre pregnancy dress size and weight although I never got rid of my stomach. My stretchmarks gradually faded with time and it was only when I was pregnant with my 2nd child 3.5 years later that they came back with a vengeance. Suddenly they looked red and angry again and I remembered how much I disliked them.

The 2nd pregnancy and labour were as perfect as the first except this time around I got bigger much much quicker. By 5 months I looked as though I was about to drop at any time and this is how I looked at 35 weeks, yes I got bigger than that. I was gigantic!

Cameron was born on his due date, 11th august 2004, and the 2nd time around I knew that if I was going to stand any chance of losing the weight and the stomach that I would have to make an effort. Typically I didn't make any kind of effort, no gym or diet and 2 years later this is how my stomach looks.

Its not great but it doesn't look as bad here as I think it does. I'm shocked at how much my stretchmarks have faded and although in my head they are still ugly great angry marks they really don't look that bad here. The side view is a little worse, I really need to lose that pot belly but that is all down to being a little lazy and just not bothered enough about it to do anything.

I have loved reading the stories of everyone here and seeing everyone's photos. In my experience other women can be so mean about the way they expect you to look, men are a lot more accepting of a changed figure after childbirth. I think its brilliant to read the support and kindness here shown from women to other women, makes me feel all warm in side.

Kerrie
http://www.kerriesplace.co.uk/weblog

Guadrian Article

2006-08-03T18:30:00.000-07:00

I'm thrilled about this article from London's Guardian newspaper. Thanks so much to Joanna Moorhead, you did a great job!

From Flickr

2006-08-03T18:16:00.000-07:00

hands
Originally uploaded by faerieface.

Browsing our Flickr Group, I came across this photo and wanted to share. It's my new favorite!

If you haven't yet seen the discussion over there titled "Fun Stuff" check it out, and let me know what you think!

Anonymous

2006-08-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

This is a beautiful site, and I am so glad to have found it. I have been wrestling lately with the state of my body, but until I read some of these posts, I didn't realize how much...

I seem only to know people who came through pregnancy with no stretch marks, no funky tissue-paper skin, and no extra weight.

I had a dreamy, picture-perfect pregnancy. I worked up until the week before our twins were born (by c-section after 24 hours of labour) in April of 2004. I gained exactly 50 lbs during pregnancy, and lost 60 when they were born.

After our babes were born, I noticed that the muscles in my stomach had separated down the middle, so I had a 2" gap (that the extra skin would sag into when I lay down-- wish I had a picture of that!!!) to go with the big pouch of skin that sill held the shape of two babies.

Since then, I have gained 25 lbs, mostly due to the amount of time I spend playing on the floor and reading book after book after book...or the fact that I generally forget to eat until 8 pm, when the kids go to sleep.

At any rate, these added roles of flesh are just not comfortable. While I don't really notice the saggy belly, and the "mommy-body" doesn't even register when I am home with my kids (except when my son sinks his chubby fingers into my bellyskin and giggles), I am not comfortable wearing anything other than stretchpants and loose shirts. I don't recognize this body in work clothes or dress clothes, or in any capacity when I catch sight of myself in a store window or mirror. And there are moments when just that sight of myself makes me sad and uncomfortable, or feel that somehow I am less worthy of love than my skinny-mother-counterparts. And then there are those moments after when I kick myself, and thank the powers that be for the blessing that is my life.

This is just one more part of the journey-- I want to enjoy it!

Savannah

2006-08-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

I came across this website nearly a week ago and I must say, I am very proud of you that you not only focus on one body type after pregnancy. So many times I go to webpages and find that it is only focused at women who compleatly bounce back after pregnancy, or the complete opposite. Sites which feature only overweight women. I am glad you find it necessary to spotlight both. Now, I found out I was pregnant May 7th, 2005. I didn't know weather to be excited or scared to death. See, I was married the day before. When I told my husband, he was excited. So I let myself get that way too. When I was ten weeks, I began to bleed, and went to the emergency room. I was told the baby was fine. I continued to bleed until 18 weeks along. Then, for no reason: it stopped. I had a very rough pregnancy to start with. Bleeding, severe morning sickness that resulted in losing a large amount of weight. I had to be hospitalized and pumped full of fluids via IV. I also had reoccuring kindney infections. I was put in the hospital at 28 weeks because of my kindneys, they were causing me to go into preterm labor. It was very scary for my husband and I. We didn't want to loose or little girl. I went into labor on Dec.31, 2005. I was in labor nearly 21 hours when the doctors decided I wasn't progressing, I was only 4cm dialated, so we proceeded with a csection. I remember hearing my little girl cry out. I was estatic! Mackenzie Grace-Louann was born weighing 8lbs 8.2oz and 20.25" long. Not long after my delivery, I began having horrible pains in my upper abdomen, off again to emergency room. Come to find out, it is my gallbladder. On May 2nd of 2006, I had to have it removed. Now not only did i have stretch marks and wrinkely skin but a csection scar and now three more from this surgery. I was very small prepregnancy, weighing around 115lbs, I gained thirty pounds during my pregnancy. I have suffered my entire life with eating disorders, but kept it under control and got help during my pregnancy so this weight was very hard for me to handle. I am glad to say I have lost all of my baby weight and my little girl is nearly 7 months old. I did it right, not the old ways I use to do. I am still sad that I have my stretch marks and saggy skin, I wish that I could be like some of the women on here who are proud of them. I wish I had that self esteem. I am envious of those who can accept their bodies, as I cannot. Believe me, I am so greatful for my little girl and would do it all over again times ten. Thank you for this webpage. It is truly inspiring.

Angela

2006-08-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

My legs are in better shape than they've ever been thanks to months and months - nearly a year - of bouncing my daughter to sleep on a birth ball, but note the stretch marks. They made their appearance while I was on bedrest during my pregnancy. Stretch marks and pregnancy pretty much go hand in hand, and I expected to get them on my belly, my hips, perhaps even my breasts... (and I did!) but my calf?! It just wasn't fair. My breasts and belly and hips stay pretty much covered up, but having my calf stretch marked - and not both calves, oh no, couldn't be symmetrical about it or anything, just my right calf - was a real bummer. No more shorts or skirts, I would moan.

I want to embrace them. I want to see them as battle scars, or badges of merit, but I'm not having much luck with it yet. I was twenty when I got pregnant and I'm still morning the loss of my young, slender body. My belly is still pretty soggy and stretchmarked, resembling bread dough, but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as my leg.

Here is the aforementioned calf:

And I'd also like to share a picture I love, of my belly taken at twenty weeks, on my honeymoon in Cozumel:

Rosalie

2006-08-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

Hi there! I'm 30 years old and the mother of two (3yr-old son, 10month-old daughter). I can't remember a time when I didn't struggle with my weight. I'll spare you the details of a my childhood and report that puberty helped. I lost what I then called "baby fat," grew into my medium build, 5'6'' body, and stayed at a reasonable weight, fluctuating between 140 and 150 pounds.

When I got pregnant with my first I swore I wouldn't gain more than the average 30 pounds. Moreover, I wasn't going to get stretch marks and applied every type of lotion imaginable to my expanding belly. You're smiling because you know the whole lot of nothing that did for me. As my son grew, the more my belly looked like a freshly chopped tree trunk with stretch marks expanding outward in perfect circles.

Right before my son was born I tipped the scales at 201 pounds. He was 9 lbs, 7 oz, and I lost 20 pounds within the first month. The extra weight hung around for well over a year. I had just got back down to the nice weight of 147lbs when I got pregnant again.

Unfortunately I don't have any belly pictures of baby #2. My son stretched me out so well that I didn't get any new marks with my daughter, but my breasts swelled after the third month. I gained 50 pounds the second time around and my daughter weighed 9 lbs 5oz at birth (I make 'em big). Again, the weight did not want to come off. By the time my daughter was 5 months I weighed 168 pounds, and the scale refused to budge. Not only that, but walking around with inflated breasts for 6 months and then deciding not to breast feed meant that my boobs shrunk from ample Ds to no longer perky Bs.

I love, love, love my children but I was seriously hating my body. Luckily, I resumed an active schedule and went back to school. The stress of school combined with caring for two kids meant some weight loss. Later, a personal hardship melted twenty pounds in a few months, but I still missed the firm, smooth skin of my youth. I missed my once perfect belly button. I wasn't too happy with the sagging boobs either. Then I found Shape of a Mother and was blown away. Not only wasn't I alone struggling with body after baby, but I realized our post-baby bodies are beautiful. We're mothers, there are no beings on earth tougher than us. Why did I look at what happened to my body with such a disapproving eye? I earned those marks. I earned those scars (the kind you don't want to see). Thank you for creating this forum and thank you to all the amazing women who've posted their stories and photos. Rock on moms!

Here I am today: 138 pounds and 10 months after baby #2. I'm taking things one day at a time. Who cares about having a perfect body anymore? Not me! (I'm happy if I have time to brush my hair.) I'm happy with the body that bore two really great kids.

Hathor!

2006-07-31T20:28:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited to discover I was linked from Hathor the Cow Goddess! I've always loved these cartoons. Go check it out!

(P.S. sorry there have not been any entries today, I have not been able to upload pictures, or even access the site, at all today. If I don't get to it tonight, look for more in the morning!)

Kierstin

2006-07-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

I found this site 2 weeks ago, and since then Ive been in awe of the women who have chosen to tell their stories and show us their pictures. Im honored to be included in this site, along with you amazing women!

My husband I were married in 2003 and immediately started trying to conceive, never guessing that we would have problems. After 18 months of heartbreaking infertility, we finally conceived our daughter with the help of Clomid. Emma Grace was conceived 2 days before my 25th birthday, and born 3 days before my husbands 25th birthday, and she was the best birthday present either of us have ever received.

As soon as we found out we were pregnant I knew that I wanted to have a med free, natural labor and delivery and we chose a wonderful midwife named Nina who was supportive of our plans. My husband and I studied Hypnobirthing at home and practiced the relaxation techniques nightly and looked forward to using them during my labor and delivery.

On the eve of my due date we went to the hospital and I was induced. I labored med free for 7 hours, using Hypnobirthing and having a wonderful labor experience. Unbeknownst to me, my daughters heart rate was dropping steadily with each contraction and it soon became clear that we needed to get her out. I was prepped for a C-section and at a little past 2am our daughter Emma was born. As I heard her cry for the first time my tears started flowing as well (the first tears of our labor and delivery experience for both Mommy and Baby!). I kept looking up at the surgical curtain, waiting to see her beautiful face, but the doctor just whisked her away to the warmer without showing her to me. Ive always regretted that I was the last person in the room to see the little miracle that grew within me.

A few weeks after we got home I began to experience symptoms of depression, and breastfeeding became a nightmare. My nipples were cracked and bleeding, and nursing my daughter made me cry in pain, yet we struggled through the pain (and mastitis with a 102 degree fever) and continue to breastfeed today. I struggled (and continue to struggle) with disappointment about having to have a c-section, and spun into a severe depression that lasted for almost 8 months. I finally took steps to get better (Im taking Zoloft and am seeing a therapist) and am feeling better than I have in years! Im now able to cope with my feelings of loss and disappointment, as well as the feelings of inadequacy I had after my daughter was born.

I have finally come to terms with the fact that a lot of my depression revolved around my feeling like less of a woman due to the problems I had getting pregnant, giving birth, and breastfeeding. Although absolutely false, for awhile I believed that I was inferior to those who could get pregnant so easily and have a natural, vaginal birth, and those to whom breastfeeding came so easily. Its been difficult for me to accept my body when it seems like my body has failed me numerous times in doing the things that are supposed to come naturally to women. However, I have never been uncomfortable with the physical changes that have occurred from carrying my sweet baby girl. When I was pregnant I adored my curves and even did a belly cast of my 8 ½ month pregnant tummy, and I wore clothing to accentuate my round belly. I gained about 30 pounds during my pregnancy and lost it all by 2 months PP. The weight seems to be distributed differently now, though, and my belly is not as firm as it once was, but I have no problems with that. I do, however, have a lot of stretch marks that literally popped up overnight during my 8th and 9th months of pregnancy (and up until then I thought Id get away without having any!). I was uncomfortable with them for a long while, but I never hated them the way I hated my incision scar from the c-section. In my mind, the scar was a reminder of all the ways I failed, and its only been in the last 2 or 3 months that Ive learned to accept the scar as a battle wound of all the things I went through to have my daughter.

My stretch marks and my scar are tattoos eternally marking my passage into motherhood, and I am proud of them. They remind me that I have carried a child within me, and that I survived a traumatizing event and the depression afterwards. Most of all, these marks upon my belly serve to remind me that my body has overcome a lot of physical and emotional changes, and that there is no way I have failed in any capacity. My sweet Emma is living proof of my achievements, and Im so proud that I have brought this wonderful being into existence

Here is my belly, approximately 5 months pregnant. I often played Enyas May It Be to my daughter in the womb, because her Daddy called her his little promise. (The lyrics are A promise lives within you now, and Emma truly was our little promise!

Here I am, 8 months pregnant, loving my belly!

My husband kissing his girls. He loved my growing belly and couldnt keep his hands and lips! off of it!

8 months pp, my belly complete with stretch marks and a scar, which I wear proudly!

Anonymous

2006-07-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

THE SHAPE OF A MOTHER NOT CARRYING HER OWN CHILD

As I read all these beautiful posts I cannot help but feel a tad envious of all the wonderful shapes and sizes that your bodies have taken to on your journies to motherhood. Allow me to explain:

My body is irrevocably broken. It will not do what is the most natural and fundamental things of being a woman; that would be conceiving and carrying a child.

For as long as my memory will allow I dreamed of being a mother. We have endured endless years of emotional, physical and financial ravage to attain this dream. We did six cycles of inseminations and 8 full cycles of IVF and countless tests and bloodwork to be told there was no definitive diagnosis. I am an anomaly. No know cause. What? We were continually faced with disappointment and losses. I am and continue to be angry with own body for its failure. Perhaps that will never go away. I am learning to live with it.

The darkest day was when my doctor summoned up the courage to tell me that I would not be carrying my own children. Imagine for a second hearing that. What would you say, what would you do? I was crushed. I woke many nights knowing that I would never feel life moving inside my womb. That I would never share that intimate experience with my husband. I longed for him to be able to place his hands on my swelling belly to feel our child coming to life. To watch my body change, stretch and grow as it nutured the life within. I wanted to be able to tell my children what it was like when they were "in Mommy's tummy". The world became a painful place as it seemed that everywhere I looked EVERYONE was pregnant.

I had to make some real changes in my thinking because I did not want to live within my own skin as a bitter, jealous, hurt person. The tide began to turn. I turned to my family and friends for support rather than keeping all these awful feeling bottled up.

I have learned as I age that women are very resilient and strong. My admiration for all of you who endure pregnancy and motherhood is endless. I have come to appreciate the wisdom and joy of my girlfriends, mothers or not.

Then a miracle happened.

A girlfriend, who shared in the pain of my trevails, offered to carry a child for us. She was young, had two successful and uneventful preganancies. This friend of mine was adopted at birth by a wonderful family and her life was full. She felt that by carrying this child it would be her way to "give-back" for all of her good luck. Her husband and children were fully supportive of her decision. After the shock of her offer wore off, we made the decision to try it.

I waited in angst to see if it would work. We transferred my eggs and my husbands sperm into my friend rather than into my doomed uterus. The first try gave us a chemical pregnancy. My heartbreak continued. I was beginning to tell myself that I was being sent a strong message that I was not worthy of or meant to be a mother. We tried again. This time it worked. I lived every single day waiting for the other shoe to drop. I worried endlessly because someone else was now carrying my heart in their body. I had no control. It is still very diffcult to put into words all of the varying emotions. I wanted to be velcroed to her back but I took great caution not to interfere to much. She had to have her life.

We found out that we were to be blessed with twins and later that it would be twin girls. My heart swelled as my belly should have. I watched my friends belly grow to enormous proportions. What an extraordinary thing to watch an elbow protrude or hiccups bounce. I felt and still feel the most intense gratitude to her for a gift that could never be repaid but I still wrestled with the raw emotion of jealousy that these children were not within me.

Our babies arrived, healthy and safe. They are everything I hoped and dreamed of. My bitterness toward my own body has morphed into an intense and powerful love for these two innocent little children.

I am proud to be part of this sorority called motherhood albeit taking a winding path to get there.

What a beautiful site. Thank you to all the ladies who bared their souls and photos. Thank you for letting me share my journey.

Stacey

2006-07-30T15:11:00.000-07:00

thank you so much for this site! i have been trying to find time to add my pics and and story for weeks!

i am mom of 2, a girl and boy. when i found out i was pregnant with my daughter i had just lost 25 pounds. i was worried about gaining all the weight back and of course i did plus another 25. at 29/30 i was put on bed rest and medication for preterm labor. my stretch marks didn't show until i was about 35 weeks along. i was a little upset but i knew they coming and i was happy that she stuck in there long enough to give me them. i ended up being induced 10 days late :)

this is the day before i was induced with my daughter.

miss j was born by urgent c-section on 4/1/02. she was stuck and just too big to be born vaginally. i tried to breastfeed but it just didn't happen. i was depressed because of the c and not being able to nurse. i told my husband that i didn't want anymore kids because my body didn't know what to do. i couldn't birth or feed a child and i didn't want to go through all the medication and bed rest i had to with the first.

when j turned a year i started thinking she needed a brother or sister. maybe the second time around would be different. i went off the pill 4 months later and got pregnant right away. i lost that baby a week after i got my positive. about 5 or 6 months after that i got pregnant again. i started spotting at 6 weeks and knew i was loosing the baby. the spotting stopped but 4 weeks later my daughter and i were in an accident. i went to see my ob and he did an ultrasound and there was a perfect little baby heartbeat and all. i was told to rest as much as possible and if there was any problems to call.

5 weeks after that at 15 weeks the contractions started. i had an ultrasound and the baby was fine. the contractions never stopped and i was eventually put on modified bed rest and medication again. i gained weight slow this time and ended up gaining 25 lbs.

miss j and i at 36-37 weeks

at 37 weeks i started having contractions and was told i was in early labor. my dr. was on vacation and i had a c-section scheduled for when she was back. the dr. on duty sent me home because i wasn't dilating, i was at a 2. the next day i was still having contractions and went in. he agreed to do my c but he wanted me to wait until i was 38 weeks unless my water broke or i began progressing more. i went 4 days after that with contractions but no progress. the day i went in for my c they hooked me up and the nurse asked me how long i had been having contractions and i told her about a week. she checked me and i was still at a 2. i never progressed! i guess my body just doesn't know how to have a baby.

the day i delivered my son i weighed 198.5 just like my daughter. i had a few new stretch marks on my thighs and by my belly button. i was much bigger with him then i was her.

the day i delivered m

breast feeding came natural this time around and he just weaned 2 months ago.

i lost all the weight i gained in 2 weeks. 22 months later my tummy is still squishy and soft. the extra skin is a little tighter but it's still there. my tummy has housed and cared for 3 babies. 1 i never got a chance to hold but i still love that baby just as much as the other 2. my scars and stretch marks have faded but i look at them and i see gifts from my children.

now that i have written a book thank you again for this site! it's awesome to read everyone story and see the pics here.

thanks!

stacey

secretmommy

2006-07-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

I was 19 when I gave birth to my first son. I ate extremely healthy because of gestational diabetes. I went from 117 lbs. to 139 lbs. and 10 lbs. of that ended up being baby! I was shocked at how much pregnancy then labor & delivery changed my body. I bounced back pretty quickly considering I was still eating healthy and nursing. I had the dreaded jiggly belly pooch for a few months but I made it nearly back to my original weight when surprise, I became pregnant again when the first was only 8 mos. old. A year and a half later I welcomed boy #2. With my second pregnancy, I dealt with GD again but gained the most weight I'd ever been and it took quite a toll on my body as far as stretch marks on my boobs and inner thighs. It was much harder to lose the extra weight this time around. I wanted so badly to become pregnant again so I could blame the weight on pregnancy. I added to my little boy collection 4 years later in 2004 after an uneventful pregnancy (aside from GD) and easiest labor and delivery of the three.

I wanted to share my story because the media doesn't show what real Mommy tummies look like post-baby. It reminds me daily what my body is NOT. I'm sharing with you, the public because no matter how much working out I do which is 3-5 times a week, my belly is forever marked and changed in shape. I want to see if my friends even recognize my pictures. I'm not the "waif" my friends used to call me. I am saying good-bye to that image and vowing to stop obsessing that what I am now will ever come close to matching that again because now I proudly wear the body, heart and soul of a mother. What is more beautiful than that?

Just days shy of giving birth to my first baby

32 wks. pregnant with third baby

38 wks. pregnant with third baby

Now, 3 boys later- 2 years since my last baby

Plantain

2006-07-29T16:07:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'd like to participate:

What a wonderful beautiful site.....

One of the things I would always tell people when they would ask me what it felt like to 'be pregnant' was how weird it was to be so used to looking a certain way for your whole life and then all of a sudden you start swelling and swelling and swelling .....

I've always been tall and skinny....and I didn't want to sound vain when I would describe this weirdness to people but well... it did feel pretty weird to be walking around in a body that just didn't feel like my body....then after a while you get to a point when you don't remember what it was like to not be hugely pregnnat...to have to use a crow bar to get out of the car or a pulley system to hoik you out of the bed in the middle of the night to pee.

This is me about 5 months before I became pregnant

(that woman walking behind me as I wave my newly acquired US Citizenship Certificate is all "Skinny Bitch!")

Me at about 23 weeks while home in Australia visiting my mum...

At this point my weight was still progressing pretty slowly and steadily, however while home I ate a salad Doner Kebab and Red Rooster Chips every other day for lunch...

At 31 weeks back in L.A.... still not looking too bad... could still button up my jeans... but lookin' a little round of face... and OHMYGOD look at the bazoomba's....

Hot, Fat, and Pissed Off...a this point I'm 38 weeks and hitting about 205lbs (my pre-pregnancy weight was usually around 135 and I'm 6ft tall).
These Target pants are the only thing that would fit me at this point... I blame my cravings for sour candy, tart flavoured drinks like limeade, Rice Krispies and Mac N Cheese

Looking like some scary Tranny She-Male... this is about 5 days before I gave birth.... look at how my feet are so swollen they're like sausage's stuffed into those flats. I totally realised how god-awful I looked and I was about to go out to meet my husbands co-workers....Ugh this picture is painful.

I don't have any shot's of me right after giving birth... but I kept a little muffin top for about 5 months... till I started working out at the YMCA in Hollywood... I never got stretch marks - don't know if this is from all the Shea Butter/Cocoa Butter I lathered on or just random luck... but I have a bit of a sad face belly button now

Me at 8 months post-partum

(full disclosure: I'm totally sucking it in a bit in that last one...)

Every single pregnant woman and mother is a creature of miraculous beauty!

Spam (I kid, I kid)

2006-07-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

I've nursed both of my babies, and while I've always forced msyelf to nurse in public anyway (because, much like this site, I feel that the more it's seen, the more it will be accepted), I have to admit I felt (and feel) somewhat uncomfortable about it. Funny thing is - it has NOTHING to do with showing my boobs. It's all about the stomach! I know the goal is to be totally comfortable with our bodies, but I also realize that's just not so easy for everyone; no matter how much this website has made a difference, we still have a long way to go in society and in our own minds. And that's OK. Every little step, right?

My wonderful friend, Evie, has created a really awesome new product to help with moms who do feel uncomfortable nursing in public. They are really cute, and work really well - go check them out!

Anonymous

2006-07-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

This is a comment about my experience. I'm not complaining, really, just adding to the range and variety that have already been posted to this site.

I'm 32, the mother of 2 kids, the youngest of which is 6. I was a stay-at-home mom until the youngest was 2, and I breastfed on demand until the baby decided to stop. I spent about 5 or 6 years in a row pregnant and/or breastfeeding. My experience wasn't unusual, as far as I can tell - either unusually positive or negative. I had no real complications, no breast infections. I had practically no sex drive during this period. My first baby was demanding and exhausting. I wore loose shirts and no bra while I was nursing, because it was more convenient that way - nothing to fiddle with when the baby was hungry or fussy, and easy to nurse in public. So I put up with wet spots of my shirt, smelling vaguely sour during the infancy periods, when I leaked, and being somewhat frumpy. In the best of times, I didn't care much about how I looked or dressed, I wore what fit and what was practical. Besides, with a baby in a sling or backpack, I knew I wasn't the height of fashion anyway!

My breasts varied radically. Sometimes, they were full and engorged, very round and hard, and other times they were quite loose and floppy. It just depended on when I had last nursed, and how much. On average, they were size D during this time. Since weaning, I have worn a bra, and my breasts have gone back to their normal size C. When I'm standing upright, they are not that droopy - I think I have lost much of the extra skin from there. Maybe wearing a bra has helped in that regard.

Right around the time my youngest was losing interest in nursing, I was starting to want my old body back. My weight had settled around 20 pounds above what it had been before I got pregnant the first time, and I was starting to feel quite frumpy. But I didn't really do much to lose weight until this year, when I got sick from food poisoning and lost 7 pounds without thinking about it! I have about 5 pounds to go to get back to my preferred weight, but I'm not trying very hard anymore because I'm pretty satisfied with how I look and feel. I'm just trying to eat reasonably well and get exercise.

I'm 5'2", and weighed around 110 before I got pregnant. I weigh about 118 right now. I have a picture of myself at the end of my last pregnancy and it's painful to look at. My baby was 10 lbs, and 21 inches long. I was huge. I had to move the driver's seat backwards a notch in order to be able to fit behind the steering wheel, and then stretch to reach the pedals! I think mostly when I look at that picture I remember how uncomfortable it was those last few weeks, and I remember my labor (which was a difficult natural birth, but no stitches required - woo hoo!).

Well, here's my pictures. The first two are of my belly, with me on my hands and knees. Something that surprised me about being a mother is how long it's taken for the extra skin on my belly to go away. It has slowly gone away, and the stretch marks have faded a bit. But I think that I'm still carrying extra fat which is why I think I still need to lose another 5 lbs or so. When I eat, my belly is noticeably bigger, especially if I've eaten more than one large meal in a row. When I do Pilates, I can see my muscles, and I like the sensation that I'm getting stronger. I didn't take a picture of my breasts, but in this position, they dangle somewhat loosely and I don't like the way they look (but my husband likes it, so I guess I can't complain).

The first picture I took with the camera near my chin. When I'm on my hands and knees, it's what I see if I look along my torso. I feel really self-conscious about how my belly just dangles like that. The crease in the middle results from (I guess) connective tissue and my belly button attaching my skin to my insides.

The second picture is what I look like from the side. It really isn't so bad. I don't have to feel *that* self-conscious around my husband :)

The third picture is me clothed. In the last year or so, I've enjoyed dressing more nicely than I have before. Maybe it keeps me from feeling so old, I'm not sure.

I said before that I wanted my old body back. Well, I know I won't ever really get it back. My hips are wider, but I guess that's ok since curves are good, right? I think my thighs will always be thicker that I want, and I'm afraid I will always have this belly. I don't mind the stretch marks at all, and I feel much more comfortable with my body knowing that it helped both my kids be healthy and strong. As I think about it now, I realize that I started the path to understanding and accepting my body way back when I learned how to do NFP (which has been a very effective birth control method for us). Natural childbirth helped a lot, too. It made me feel strong and capable, like I could trust myself. These days, when I say I want to lose weight, it's not because I want to be thin, it's mostly because I want to feel healthy and energetic again. It represents freedom and empowerment to me.

Autumn

2006-07-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Autumn. I'm almost 19 years old, I had my son a week after I turned 18. During my pregnancy I ended up getting preeclampsia, which resulted in me gaining excessive weight. I started my pregnancy at 164lbs and ended it at 241lbs. Most of this weight was gained at the end of my pregnancy. I gained 29lbs in just the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy! can you believe that? I was swollen from end to end of my body, I was so swollen that the stretch marks and the bottom of my stomach actually popped out, I had this huge water pocket hanging off of my stomach (which when I went to L&D they told me it was my son's head. HAH okay. last time i checked my baby's head wasn't squishy. but my OB then told me at my next appt that it was edema). my pregnancy was induced at the beginning of my 37th week, 3 hours, no epi, 25mins of pushing and delivered a healthy, beautiful, 7lbs 15oz baby boy.

Here is me at the end of my 36th week, just a couple of days before I went in for induction.

Here is me now, 10 months postpartum. 62lbs lighter than in the previous picture.

I just want to say that this site is absolutely wonderful, all of you are beautiful.

Jennifer

2006-07-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am in the 32nd week of my 4th pregnancy, and I decided to do a self portrait project this time around. At 18 weeks I took a picture of myself with the self-timer function on my camera, in order to show my online friends how my belly looked. I realized that I had very few photographs of myself pregnant, and even fewer that I really liked. The picture I took of myself turned out so well and gave me such a boost of self esteem that I decided to document the entire pregnancy in this way. I have never felt really bad about my body during pregnancy, but I have never felt really great about it either. This time around, by photographing myself in creative and artistic ways, I have discovered a powerful peace and love for the shape my body is taking. I feel strong, sexy, and beautiful. It has affected how I feel when I am out in public as well as at home. I am much more comfortable letting my bare belly be seen by even my own husband and children, and even a little bit in public! I am proud of my growing belly and breasts, and I know I will be so thankful for the documentation of the changes my body is going through later on. I have decided to continue the series into the post-partum phase after seeing this site, which I don't think would have occurred to me before.

I want to encourage women everywhere to photograph themselves during their pregnancies. I hear so many women say that they do not have pictures of their pregnant bodies! Not only will you be documenting a very important part of your baby's life, but you will find that having pictures of yourself that you love will make you feel so much better about how you look right now. If you cannot do it on your own, please- find a friend who can help you. I am willing to offer any technical advice and encouragement, as well as help with retouching dark or off-colored pictures, in order to help mothers obtain photographs that make them feel good about themselves.

I should say that some of my photos have been altered using Photoshop image editing software. I have not changed anything about my skin or shape, but I have manipulated the images to make them look more artistic, etc. such as lightening them or softening backgrounds.

Thank you all for sharing your stories and pictures.

Anonymous

2006-07-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

Hello,

Ever since I found this website, I've had mixed emotions. I was a mother, but only very briefly. I had an abortion when I was eight weeks along. I had the surgery a month ago. I thought I would be mentally prepared for what it would mean; I am still trying to find peace within myself.

At the time, I was very scared. The pregnancy was my first, and the father is someone I had only been seeing a few months and he would be leaving at the end of August to go back to school. I was afraid to tell him because we both had things going on in our lives; we are on the cusps of distinguishing our careers. I couldn't fathom what changes it would've meant for the both of us. More over, I wasn't sure of how he felt about me. My family has a lot of worries, and I didn't want to add to them; I would've had to rely heavily on them if I had the baby. Basically, I felt really alone and decided that not having the baby would be the best thing for everyone...even when something within me told me otherwise. I just didn't think I was strong enough to raise the child on my own.

After the surgery, I ended up telling the father anyway. He understood the situation I was in and he's been very supportive. He told me he wouldn't have let me go through with the surgery and that I should have told him. Nothing else would've mattered to him but me and the child. My family also told me they would've supported me no matter what, and they are sorry that I had to go through that. In hindsight, I should have listened to the voice within me. I have a hard time forgiving myself.

I look at this site and recall how my body changed so much in those eight weeks. I am really athletic, and I was amazed at how quickly I would fatigue at my daily activities before I found out I was pregnant. I'm also highly weight-conscious. I gained ten pounds in those eight weeks and I could not figure out where it came from. Coupled with the nausea and growth in the size of my breasts, I realized what was happening.

I remember thinking throughout the time I was pregnant and watching my body change that I didn't want it to happen. My body was showing so much change in such a short time. I was scared. My body image was never a problem for me yet it was in a place that I felt was perfect for me before it changed during my pregnancy. Now that I'm not pregnant anymore, I'm depressed. I want to see my body morphing as the mothers' bodies here did throughout their pregnancies.

I would've been 12 weeks along by now...I miss looking down at my torso and seeing that pudge below my navel where my baby was growing.

In the weeks following the surgery, I hated my body - not because of the way it looked but because it reminded me that I had been pregnant. It looked the same even though I was not. The surgery was painless, and I felt like such a hypocrite being on pain medication when nothing but my heart hurt. I wanted to be in more physical pain than I felt. My body has since returned to its pre-pregnancy state.

When I started reading the testimonies of mothers on this site, how their stretch marks and scars reflected the pride they felt for carrying their children, I realized why I felt so empty. I wasn't proud of myself or what I did. The thoughts I had about my body changing during my pregnancy were superficial; I only felt that way because I decided not to have the baby, so seeing it change so quickly made me feel guilty for what I was about to do.

I read this site with admiration for the mothers who submit their stories and photos. I want them to know that I envy them. I envy their stretch marks, their post-partum bodies, their sacrifices of their old selves as they embraced their new roles as mothers. This site is powerful therapy for me even though it probably doesn't sound like it. I have hope for myself, for my future pregnancies. I look forward to when I can post my own photos here.

Thank you for listening,
K

hautemama

2006-07-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

I have two beautiful babies ages 2 - 3 this october and 7 months. Both are girls. I got pregnant when i was 17 years old with my eldest, i was one month clean from sever drug abbuse that nearly claimed my life. I weigh a tiny 118 lbs, if that. I didn't gain ANY weight with my eldest until my 8th month and maybe then gained 30 lbs. I had alot of stretch marks because no one ever told me that by itching them would cause stretch marks.

Well my delivery was wonderful, no pain drugs, no problems, no episiotomy. My husband was somewhat supportive. afterwards, I felt like I failed at breastfeeding because she wouldn't latch on because my breasts were so engorged. I couldn't pump because i refused to take pain medicine because of the drug fear, and so I felt like I failed her. I started eating more and more, and was very dissatisfied with my appearance. My once smooth flawless skin was over ruled by pimples and oil. My hair had grown so much became brittle at the ends, and felt fried. My husband constantly nagged me about my weight and made me feel really bad. i went from a very healthy eating habbit to polishing off ice cream at 230 am while bottle feeding. The picture below was taken 4 months before I got pregnant with my first.

And this one is a few months before I was due.

Anyways, I finally statred working when my daughter was 4 months old and it made me feel really good, I met some girls who had bounced way back into shape and were up on current beauty things, and we had lots of girl time, and i really felt back in the swing of things, toting baby JM on one hip and somewhat normal looking tummy, still weighed 20 lbs than i used to but i felt really good. Then about a year and some months later I found out while my husband and I just like 2 days had seperated, I was pregnant with our second. Afraid to tell him because we had moved somewhat to washington state, and i moved myself and JM back in with my parents in california, i was afraid he would have thought i cheated on him. which i clearly didn't and if any doubt even occured i offered a paternity test. Anyways with my second, stella girl. It wasn't right the first month, i had morning sickness my first pregnancy, but this felt beyond morning sickness, my parents left me to the house by myself while they went up to washington to visit my grandma, I would sleep for hours, I wouldn't eat anything, I couldn't drive, i became dizzy, disoriented, i don't even remember taking proper care of my daughter because i felt too sick. I dropped alot of weight I weighed 140 when i found out i was pregnant with stella and then weighed at 124 only months later.

I finally went to a doctor, but they didn't know what was going on, put me on iron and i still didn't feel better. I began to get these attacks in my stomach, it felt like i was dying, felt like I was miscarrying at 6 months!!!! I went in for several tests and the doctors 'guessed' that it was gallbladder disease. which they treated with enormous supplies of vicodin and phenergan. I was high for the rest of my pregnancy because they said there wasn't anything they could do about it, i stayed on a very strict eating diet and still had the attacks. my husband had no idea how to help me, and decided being an ass still was the best way to go about things. He continued to nag about what i did and how i complained about how i never felt good. I still wasn't gaining any weight by 8 months and took me out of work and had me on bed rest. My work was threatening to fire me if i had went on bedrest, they threatened to find some way to fire me so i quit. the hospital that i had had my eldest in refused me, and told me if i went into labor i would have to drive a half hour out of town to deliver. I felt like the world was turning its back on me.

I struggled with the sickness, having to increase my vicodin because the normal dose wasn't covering the pain, i began to have chest pains, i would faint, dizzyspells, tunnel vision. i was soon not allowed to drive not even down the street. I went into Labor at 10 am December 16th after my midwife stripped my membranes. I had good strong steady contractions until 5pm, when they completely stopped. i napped until 10 pm when they started to induce with pitocin, 3 bags later... still didn't dialate to anything spectacular. at about 1230 i mentioned to the nurse that i was going to push because i felt it was time, at 8 1/2 centimeters she said i couldnt because i would rip my cervix.

gawd i didn't give a damn.

Still no pain killers because back labor and contractions weren't enough for me to ask for any, I pushed stellas head out without my doctor there. there was no waiting to push anymore, it hurt to much to not push.

My legs swelled up so bad and my arms swelled i felt really icky. my docotor was prepped a half hour before i pushed that i was planning on having her soon, and didn't show up only in time to catch her when she came out.

Here is a picture when i was 7 months with stella.

Anyways they left the placenta in me for a half hour and then the nurse rudely informed me iwas not allowed to shower until stella was finished, eventhough i didn't need help showeing. so i told her i was going to the bathroom she then threw a tempertantrum because i did and told me my husband couldn't stay the night.

Stella was a healthy 7 lb 13 oz baby.

About one month after all my gallbladder symptoms seemed to disapear so I stayed to the strict diet, and breastfed wonderfully. I wasn't making enough milk so i half breast fed half formula fed, but was clearly thrilled to breast feed at all!!!

late december morning I thought i was dying again. My husband suggest i take a vicodin because the symptoms were much different from the gallstones symptoms when i was pregnant. i did, the pain went away. I went and saw a doctor who wanted to order absurd tests on my butt saying its was all an anal problem... so i went to see another doctor and mentioned to him when i was pregnant they said i had gallstones..

went in for an ultrasound, was never called with the results. 4 weeks later i went in, asked them they scheduled an appointment for 2 weeks later, still having lots of attacks now, 2 3 times a day. i went in for a 5 minute conversation with the doctor who said no gallstones were found but reffered me to a surgeon anyways. i had to wait 3 weeks to see the surgeon. He said we were taking it out because it look contracted.

they scheduled surgery for one week later. apparently the gallbladder attack i had on easter never went away.

May 4 was the scheduled surgery, and i did it and i have never felt better. but all that pregnancy and then surgery has left my body warped, i dont even know where hips would start. i exercise most days and eat as healthy as i can afford, some days i still dont eat. But i cant seem to lose the weight. the swelling in my hand finally went away but now the swelling in my legs and ankles are just terrible.

here are pictures i took just now of how my body looks.

But after all that, i would do it again, to have my two beautiful little girls.

Anonymous

2006-07-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

I am writing you actually feeling like I don’t even have the words to summarize the immensity of my respect and gratitude I have for you.

I had a serious eating disorder – I am almost 5’10, I dropped to 105 lbs. I recovered (superficially) and have even gone on to counsel young girls about beauty and body weight issues. I have carried five babies – two that lived. I have almost lost my life and my son’s life with his delivery. We made it, but my body is still my nemesis.

I would still say it is the most consuming issue in my life and has even almost undone my marriage.

Never in all my years of struggling have I felt underground thought patterns start unraveling like they have since I’ve started reading your site every day. I’ve actually been shocked at what a profound and almost instant change I’ve started to notice in how I’m thinking. I was reading a magazine this afternoon and saw that I was just thinking/seeing so differently. Even though these are concepts I have taught at a university level.

I am thankful to you beyond words. Your site is a beautiful inspiration/revelation.

From Darshani

2006-07-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

Thank you once again for providing a safe place for us to share our feelings. Just because a woman does not lose the weight does not mean she is lazy or irresponsible. When I was expecting my first child, a friend told me, "When you become a mother, you give up part of yourself." Mothers that I know will breastfeed on demand, hold their babies close in slings, hold little ones who are sick all night long so they may breathe better. They are so busy in the early days taking care of their babies that they often forget to eat until noon. So while they may not be able to work on their bodies immediately after giving birth, they have more important work: making bonds of trust that will last a lifetime.

My youngest is now 2.5. She was born with serious health problems and I felt I was running a marathon every day just to keep her alive and keep my older child nurtured and loved. The last thing I had on my mind was the shape of my body. My youngest will probably always have her health problems but now we now she will live and thrive and be okay. My out-of-shapeness represents her survival. I have just started to exercise last month and nurture myself. I have my entire life to nurture myself. I only have a few precious years to nurture my babies.

When you look at someones picture here, or a mother in pubic, you cannot assume that she is overweight and lazy. She is probably working harder than she ever has in her life. Her shape is not high on her priority list. So maybe it should not be high on yours to notice it, either.

These videos show what I have been doing the last five years: having and raising my children. I hope the world is a better place because of it, even if my body is not.

The Story of Abirami

Nitara's Journey

jubyred

2006-07-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

On the Radio

2006-07-27T23:50:00.000-07:00

Nothing is confirmed yet, but word on the street is that I might do a spot on the Nik and Val Show tomorrow morning at 10:15am (pacific time). I'm pretty sure I'll embarass myself or my kids will be screaming the whole time, but at least you can hear it happen live by listening online! Woo!

Jennifer

2006-07-27T23:32:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to tell you that I thought this site was so wonderful!! I have completely felt like my body doesn’t resemble anything that it once was. Thanks for making me realize that I’m not the only one.

Here is my story: I got pregnant with my 1st child in 2003, and I had a very normal pregnancy…nausea and bloating included. I went into labor 2 days before my due date in February of 2004, and I woke up a month later in a different hospital. I do not recall any of the details of my son’s birth except for a few moments. I was told that I had had an amniotic fluid embolism. Here is some info on it:

http://www.obgyn.humc.edu/web/fellow/conferences/amniot.htm

My son was a vaginal birth with no tears, but my doctor couldn’t stop the bleeding. My blood pressure went down to 20. I went into DIC (Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation) which means I used up all of my clotting factors , and I was going to bleed to death if they didn’t do a hysterectomy. After the surgery, my kidneys and part of my lung failed. Due to all the fluid that was pumped into me and with the kidney failure, I gained approximately 100 lbs. in fluid. I did not have any stretch marks during my pregnancy, but I did get them when I gained all the fluid. I was life-flighted to a major hospital where I was put in a drug-induced coma while on 24-hour dialysis. I stayed that way for 4 weeks and was woken up when my kidney/lung function returned to normal.

I stayed in the hospital for another month for blood clots, a possible stroke, and a mysterious fever. I received rehab, and I finally went home. Ever since then I have not had the same body I did before I got pregnant. In the side photo, you can still see the brown scars on my forearm where the fluid was seeping it’s way out of my skin. The weight never came off, and I’m still fighting it. My stomach never properly returned to it’s normal shape. I also had a 10 lb. baby in there, and I wasn’t able to really work out until after a year. With my surgery scar, there is 3 inches of scar tissue due to the blood clots that are on top and bottom of my scar…hence the hang-over. My stomach is still all squishy, but it has gotten better in the past couple of years. My skin (all over my body) was literally hanging down when I returned home from the hospital. I had lost so much muscle mass that it’s amazing what happens to your skin. I was 29 at the time, and my skin hung like a 90-year-old woman.

I also know that I wouldn’t trade this body for the world because I got the chance to be a mother to my son and a wife to my husband. I gained 70 lbs. during my pregnancy (thinking that I would be able to take it off after), and I actually don’t regret it. My body is the mark of someone who survived a traumatic experience during one of the most special times. Who can complain about the size of the pants when 2 big, blue eyes look up at you because you are their mother.

Jennifer

"All this time spent in front of the mirrors when the soul itself is threadbare."

Response

2006-07-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

There are a few things I wanted to touch on that I've been hearing around the web recently.

First some would claim that this site isn't a very balanced view of what pregnancy does to a body. To that I would say, perhaps not. But who needs to see perfect bodies when that's what we see every single day in the media? In any case, this site sure seems to have a beautiful diversity of bodies from lean to overweight and everything in between.

I also want to make clear here that I am not promoting unhealthy lifestyles by welcoming those who are overweight to post here. I am an advocate of eating healthy and exercising. However, I know since I have struggled with weight for all of my adult life that it is NOT EASY for some people to maintain a healthy weight and I will not censor any entries. It has been said, and I'm sure all the ladies here will laugh with me at this, that stretchmarks only occur for lazy women who do not work ontheir physical shape. I laugh, but it's an offensive, ignorant thought.

Lastly, I want it to be clear that I do not choose what to post here. I have not yet seen an submission I wasn't willing to use (in other words, I will post anything appropriate). So what you see is not my decision, but the choice of each woman who has been so wonderful as to share with us.

There has been some criticism, yes, and I definitely wanted to address it (particularly since I wasn't able to respond in the news article I posted earlier today), but the fact is that the VAST majority of comments about this site are positive and empowering. You ladies rock. Keep it up!

Mandy

2006-07-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

First of all, I want to say THANK YOU for starting this website. It has been eye opening to me to see all the different ways women's bodies change during and after pregnancy. I actually cried a bit as I was browsing through the stories and photos. Let me also preface by saying that despite the fact that I've recently been unhappy with my body, I love my children more than anything in the world and my changed appearance is really a small price to pay to have them in my life. They are my life. I'd seriously shave my head bald and never step on a scale again if it would insure their happiness and well being.

I've gone through two pregnancies and although neither were easy, I made it to the 37th week with both. The first one ended with a 36 hour labor and vaginal birth. Although I had stretchmarks, I rapidly lost all the weight I'd gained (25 pounds), plus an additional 7 or 8 pounds, so I was thinner than I'd been in years. I actually felt attractive again. My husband complimented me frequently! I attributed the weightloss to the fact that I was breastfeeding, because I certainly wasn't exercising and I ate whatever and whenever I wanted to. It was great! When my daughter was 15 months old, I became pregnant again. In less than a month, I gained 10 pounds and this time, my son entered the world via Emergency C-section due to fetal distress. He spent 6 days in the NICU and I spent the next 2 weeks wondering if my body would ever feel 'normal' again. In addition to the stretched out belly, now, I had a huge, painful incision above my crotch!

Well, here I am, 8 and a half months later, still wondering if I'll ever feel GOOD in my skin again. Despite the fact that my son still primarily breastfeeds, the weight isn't coming off like it did after my first pregnancy. While I realize that I'm not excessively overweight, I've got 20 pounds that just won't budge. In fact, I weigh the same now as I did at 6 weeks postpartum. None of my pre-pregnant pants or shorts fit me yet. I've been so determined to get into them, that I've been wearing elastic waist athletic shorts and maternity shorts all summer. I've been beating myself up for not being able to lose weight as quickly as my friends who have had babies months after I did.

During my pregnancies, I didn't mind the extra weight. Obviously it was there for a reason, so I embraced the chance to be curvy without feeling like I should be on a diet. I loved having a big belly. I'd lift my shirt to show it off and take photos of myself almost weekly. My big, round belly was beautiful to me. That all changed as soon as my children were no longer in utero though. I was ready to switch back into my old body!

After browsing your website over the past couple days, I am slowly starting to be more accepting of my new body. Even if I do manage to drop the rest of the baby weight, my body will be forever changed. The scar and my stretchmarks will always be there. The skin is loose. When my son weans, the skin on my breasts will sag more. I know that this is going to bother me from time to time. When the media bombards us with images of women with slim, slender, gravity-defying bodies, and we are encouraged to achieve MILF status, it's hard not to look in the mirror and wish we looked like them. But at least now, I have a place I can come and visit as a reminder that those of us who have brought children into the world are changed inside and out -and that there are far more women with stretchmarks, sags and scars than myself and there is nothing wrong with us!

Mandy (Ethne & Eliott's Mommy)
our personal website is http://www.prismperfect.com/ if anyone cares to see my beautiful babies!

Kelley2

2006-07-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

I was 38 when I had my baby last September (I’m 39 now). I put on a lot of water weight, which came off easily, and about 20 pounds of non-water weight, which hasn’t budged. (I’m at 216 now. I was at almost 250 when I had my baby.)

I have been dieting and working out (weights 3x/week, cardio 2x/week) and I wish I could say it was making a difference. The weights have been upped twice now as I get stronger so you’d think you could see it in my body. Nope. The shots below are front and side shots taken today (10 months and 2 weeks PP) both with my gut sucked in and letting it hang loose. If you look really carefully (i.e., squint), you can see a hint of muscle starting in my upper abdomen… maybe.

I hated my body before I had my baby and that hasn’t changed. I can’t really say I hate it more though, so I guess that’s something. And, you know what?, I don’t hate the stretch marks. They don’t bother me at all. Not one iota. It’s all that belly flibbidyblopping around that I hate, the fat that lops over my c-section scar and the pendulous arms, the thighs so large that thunder quakes with fear at the thought.

I am only getting the courage to share these as so many of the people that post here are still so beautifully slender and feel so badly about themselves. I wanted to put these up so that other women my size (XL/2XL at the moment) know they aren’t alone either.

Despite hating my body, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. It took us over 3 years to conceive my daughter; we’ve been trying again since the 6 week PP mark. Hopefully, it won’t take 3 years this time.

Andrea

2006-07-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm Andrea. I'm 29 years old. I am so glad I found this site; it's incredibly empowering.

I was around 150 pounds when I became pregnant last year and packed on 50 pounds during my pregnancy. Here is a photo of me at 36 weeks:

I knew about cocoa butter and other remedies to help with the stretch marks but really didn't do anything about them once they began to appear. I didn't really start to gain weight until my third trimester -- and I think I put on 10 pounds in my last two weeks alone.

Here is a picture of my stomach now, six months after I had my wonderful daughter. She had to be induced after 41 weeks, but she was perfect in every way when she arrived.

I also have stretch marks on my breasts -- they went up three bra sizes, and I fear that when I stop breastfeeding they will remain this size.

I lost most of the weight in the first two months while breastfeeding. My daughter is just starting to transition to solids. I figure I am about 10 pounds heavier than I was when I conceived.

I don't consider my body to be ugly, but I've had no interest in sex since the baby was born (and for the majority of my pregnancy). I guess this is because I don't feel like my body is truly my own anymore. I still nurse before and after work, and pump during the day. It's the biggest postpartum issue I have.

I am so thankful for this site and to share my story with women everywhere.

Ravea

2006-07-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

My name is Ravea, Im 21 and I have one daughter who is 22 months old. I hated my belly but looking back,I'm so happy I took these pictures and I miss the belly!

Here is me at 8 weeks when I found out I was pregnant!

Me at 13 weeks

Me at 16 weeks

Me at 25 weeks

Me at 29 weeks

Me at 34 weeks

Me and my daughter 1 yr PP (didn't think to take any others of my body after) I think I bounced back pretty quick, thanks to breastfeeding!

ETA more of her story...
I met the love of my life when I was 16, at that time I was taking care of a 1 yr old little boy (who I had since I was 15 -he was 3 weeks old) I always knew mothering was the reason I was put here. Well, even thought I shouldn't have, he and I started trying for us our own baby (thank God I didn't get pregnant then) I took in a few other babies during that time. 2 1/2 yrs. later, still nothing! I was currently still taking care of the little boy who was then 3 and had his sister was living with us who was 3 months old (had her since 2 weeks old) Well in 03 I decided to get on birth control to maybe help regulate everything since I rarely had periods. I got off in Oct 03 and tried like crazy to get pregnant (by then I was 19, on our own and VERY ready! Well Dec. I got my period (late but it was there) I was so depressed I quit. Thinking maybe I'm just meant to take care of these others. Well In Jan. when I got no period I thought well this is normal me so didn't think twice. In Feb. I got sick, nausea for 2 weeks (didn't put 2 and 2 together) Well I went to the Dr. and he did blood work and Feb. 12, 04 I got the call! I was pregnant!! Finally!! Well The pregnancy was great! I gained a lot in the beginning , thinking I had to eat. No complications what so ever. I was worried since I wasn't full term Id go early and I was born with problems so I was terrified ( I worry a lot) I walked a lot in the end and started dilating at 35 weeks, by 39 weeks I was 4 cm and the Dr. asked if I wanted to be induced. Me wanting my baby in my arms I said YES! Well everything started out great! the baby's head was very high though. Well I went in and had little 10 mins. of contractions and asked for my epidural which I didn't feel at all! seemed to be going good I was going a cm every hr (head was still high) well I got to 9 cm and stayed there. Then came the shakes, the fever& the nausea.....and I was at 9 for 3 hrs! The head was still in the same spot it was in at my Dr. visit! I was 17 hrs into labor and felt terrible! Well they decided to do a C-section. Everything went good! Its a girl! 7 lbs 5 oz 19 in long! Healthy as can be (with a little fever) Well while I was being stitched up.... I started to bleed...bad. So the Dr. hurried and opened me back up and it was my uterus, it wouldn't contract back. They worked on me for 2 hrs, trying everything! My organs began shutting down and veins collapsing making it hard to pump blood back into me. They had no choice, I needed a hysterectomy! I was only 19:( In recovery since my veins collapsed I needed a central line :( Wasn't so bad.... Well I finally got to meet my little girl!! Due to the trauma I guess nothing had come for me to nurse her! I cup fed her formula for 2 days, still trying to breast feed & not giving her much formula, just enough to keep her going. I was discharged after 3 days and she stayed in. I got to stay with her since we were nursing. Well trying to nurse, She would fuss and Id cup feed expressed milk. On the last day we were in an L.C came in and put my breast in my baby's mouth and showed me I wasn't doing it right and we been smooth sailing ever since! Still nursing 22 months later! The hysterectomy thing does bother me sometimes, I want more children, but on days Kirstyn is more then 2 handfuls I think it was a blessing in disguise! Thanks for letting me share my story!

Article

2006-07-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of interviewing with Misty Harris, who wrote this article which is appearing in several Canadian newspapers today.

Dana

2006-07-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

Both of my parents are genetically beautiful people. My father was an athelete, and my mother was a knockout. I did not grow up knowing about diets or poor body image, it was just the opposite for me. I was always a thin child and teen. At the age of 10 I "grew" my first stretch marks on my hips. I remember showing my Mom, and then showing my Grandmother who was a nurse. The both agreed that I was experiencing the first signs of "womanhood" and assured me that it was completely normal.

Since I can remember, I wanted to become a mother.

When I first married my husband at the age of 23, I had (what America would consider) a "perfect" body. I was thin with perky breasts, a tight tummy, and lean muscular limbs. Our first pregnancy was with identical twins. I grew a slight belly and my breasts swelled a tad, but by the 4th month, we lost our babies. My body returned to it's normal state with no evidence of any pregnancy, which kind of saddened me. Months later we became pregnant with our first live child. I was 125lbs. when she was concieved. I delivered her in my 8th month, weighing in at 210lbs.. Amazingly the only stretch marks I grew during that pregnancy were in the calves of my legs and some on my thighs- not a single mark on my large belly! My breasts, however, were changed forever. Going from a 34B, to a 38DD was an amazing process. I could barely stuff my nipple into my preemie's mouth! Fourteen months later, we concieved our second child. I was 145lbs. at that time, and still nursing. I only gained 30lbs. this time around, but my belly was stretched to its limit by week 41. Our natural birth went off without a hitch and I delivered a healthy 7lber. With that pregnancy, by the 9th month, I noticed stretch marks growing around my flat naval. My thighs also grew a new family of stretch marks, as well as my bum. I felt as if I was bursting at the seams. Here is a picture taken during our labor with that baby:

That was over 4 years ago. I breastfed that baby until this past year, which is when I dropped most of my weight. Now we prepare to concieve again this coming year.
It has taken me a long time to learn to love my postpartum body. Now that I don't have "babies" anymore, I see my stretch marks not as scars but as reminders. They each tell a story. My belly might not ever be the 6-pack it once was 10 years ago, but it has housed many babies- those that have passed on, as well as those that have "stuck". So, here is my belly now. A bit jiggly, and speckled with stripes (and exploratory surgery scars), but still feminine to me!

THANK YOU!

2006-07-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've had so many awesome people willing to help me design the new site today! At this point I've got someone willing to help me now at the moment and if, for some reason, that falls through, I will contact one of you who e-mailed me.

Thanks again! It's so wonderful to know there are so many people out there willing to help!

I need help!

2006-07-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

I've got the webspace secured for the move to a better site but I'm hung up on one little detail...

I have done VERY basic web design before, but what with blogging software and etc now I just don't have the time or energy to put into learning how to design the new site.

I am hoping that someone here could possibly help me. I imagine it will be pretty basic.

At this point I'm not sure what I can pay. I have some limited funds, but nowhere near what I'd pay if I hired someone out of the book.

Please send me an email if you think you could possibly help me!

Thanks!

Lisa

2006-07-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with my son I was 19 years old and weighed about 120 pounds. I ended up loosing weight with him in the beginning and gaining it plus some. At the end of the pregnancy I weighed 190 pounds. I lost the weight within days of having him and was back down to my pre pregnancy weight.

With my daughter at 32 years old. I weighed 135 pounds before becoming pregnant with her. At the end of pregnancy I weighed 200 pounds.

This is what I looked like when I was just 4 weeks pregnant with her.

This is what I looked like at 20 weeks. Most of the stretch marks you see are from my son. However, as the pregnancy went on I got tons of new ones and scar tissue from my daugther

Here I am at 29 weeks +

5 days before due date. You can't see the stetch marks under the painting but they are there. Deep red ones.

This is what my belly looks like now at almost one month PP.

For the first few weeks I could not feel any muscle in my belly area. It was all squishy and weird feeling. However, now 3 weeks out I can flex and move muscle in my belly area again. My belly button is still really far out.

2 days after having my daughter I was out on a walk with my husband and daughter. A woman saw me and asked how old my little girl was. I said two days... She then got a very strange look and said what's with your belly? I replied.. My daugher is 2 days old. It hasn't been that long. She then said Oh did you have a C-section or something!? My reply.. "Ahh no... I guess it's just how my body is now". She thought I was pregnant and my daughter was older! She's not the only one who tells me I look like I'm still pregnant! I've heard these comments a few times in the last few weeks. These comment started to make me feel bad about my body. Like it was yucky and something was wrong with it.

However, After stopping by the site The Shape of a Mother I felt better about my body and did not feel alone. It's nice to have a site like this out there to show what real women are like...and hopefully those who made comments to me will see it too someday!

I've come to realize in just a few short days that my body is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of. This body created two beautiful healthy children and continues to nourish one of them. And that is beautiful!

Lisa (Mama to a beautiful boy and a newborn baby girl!)